Living jokes
Why did the pillow cross the road?
Because his cousin's name was Koshin, and he didn't want to live anymore.
DARK ALERT********
A girl went to the doctor. The doctor said she had one year to live. She shot the doctor, and the judge gave her 15 years.
DARK ALERT********
I live in a world made of cheese. Someone stubbed their toe and screamed, "Cheese-its, Christ!"
Conspiracy Theorists: Technoblade is still alive!
Me: Pigs live between 15 and 20 years!
Fans: 😭😭😭
You have a six-minute timer to live, but when you breathe, it resets.
Yo mama so fat, she can’t even fit in the living room!
The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."
What is red, white, and blue and makes me proud to live in this country?
The baby in the corner I choked, stabbed, and then came on.
How do you make a baby survive a fall of over 300 metres?
I don't know. I've dropped dozens off the Empire State Building and none have lived.
Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"
The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."
Why are women so bad at parking?
Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.
OFFICIAL
Pionnel Pessi's tracklist leaked!
1. Neymar gave me a career. 2. Lewandowski finished me. 3. 8-2 4. I own Elche. 5. I am a fraud (ft. Pyllian Mpappe) 6. 10m 7. I fled La Liga 8. Want to be Ronaldo. 9. Long live Bolivia. 10. Wind man
What is the difference between white people and Africans? The white people watch "The Hunger Games," the Africans live it.
"I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient.
"Give me the good news first," the patient said.
"Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live."
"That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"I've been trying to reach you for two days."
Why don't black lives matter anymore?
Because a harvester is more efficient at picking crops than slaves.
Black people are living proof we evolved from monkeys.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos.
Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
On the lines of "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous,"
I'm dying to live forever!
An LDS preacher knocks on the door with a chalice of wine offering to do the sacrament.
The person living there points and says, "Begone, foul blood-drinker!"
And promptly the preacher bursts into flames, leaving nothing but ash.
Define abnormal life.
Waking up every day living a sane life!