Little jokes

What did the shark say after he ate the clownfish?

"This taste a little funny."

Dad: Johnny! Johnny!

Little Johnny: Yes, Papa?

Dad: Did you hit your brother?

Little Johnny: No, Papa!

Dad: Telling lies?

Little Johnny: No, Papa!

Dad: Let me see your fist.

Little Johnny: Ha ha ha!

Dad: What is so funny?

Little Johnny: You are, Dad, because I don't have a brother!

Dad: >:(

Little Johnny: What? It's true!

Dad: You do have a point there, Johnny.

Little Johnny: Love you, Dad!

Dad: Love you too, son.

I was like, soon dude, Little Johnny is Big boobs.

One Tuesday afternoon, Little Jonny decides he wants extra homework, so he went to his teacher and said, "Hello, can I have extra homework this week?"

The teacher replied with, "Sure, be at my house Friday afternoon to cut my lawn, polish the counters, scrub the baseboards, scrub and paint the walls!"

And Johnny replied with, "That's not what I meant, but at least I'll get paid!"

The teacher said, "How about $200 each job?"

Johnny replied with, "OK."

Friday afternoon at her house, after Johnny does all the jobs, he asked for his payment and the teacher laughed and said, "You do know that Tuesday was April Fools' Day, right?"

Who likes eating ass?

My Little Pony.

My wife and I were at the park with our little princess today.

We decided to go back home, then some jerk had the nerve to shout, "Stop those two! They have my daughter!"

Why did the Chicken cross the road? You: Why? To get to the little b***h's house!

Knock knock! You: Who's there? The chicken!

Q: What's the best way to eat a squirrel?

A: Open up its little legs.

I'd make a farming joke, but I'm just a little less than corny enough.

Little Johnny is gay.

What's Osama bin Laden's favorite song?

"Under the Sea," from The Little Mermaid.

A shop assistant is helping a little boy who can't find his mum in the supermarket.

He asks the boy, "What's she like?"

The boy says, "Big Cocks and vodka!"

Me: Sister, are you wearing makeup?

My sister wearing all the world's makeup.

Sister: Just a little.

Why did little Billy drop his ice cream?

He was hit by an ice cream truck.

Bob the Golden Retriever and Lily the Husky were talking at Bob's house.

Lily: Bob, do you think I'm fat?

Bob: No, Lily, of course not! You're just a little husky!!!! Lol. Golden Retrievers are funny.

Little Red Riding Hood says to the wolf: "What a big dick you have!"

Wolf: "The better to f*** you with!"

Last night little Johnny went to his room and saw people hanging out there, little balls.

Ms. Katie: I heard about a Vegan baby.

Mom: Here’s your Happy Meal.

Ms. Katie: That’s not vegan, did you trick me?

Kids: Yeah!

Ms. Katie: That’s it, little baby Jimmy, I’m giving you shaking baby syndrome!

Mom: Please don’t hurt my son.

*Ms. Katie shakes Jimmy*

Mom: I’m secretly a cop, and you are arrested.

Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up.

Class: no one stands up.

Teacher: Oh c’mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room*

Little Johnny: *stands up*

Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you’re dumb?

Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you’re standing alone.

Johnny, Johnny?

Yes, Papa.

Eating sugar?

Yes, Papa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach, and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you’re mad at me for eating a little sugar.

Smoking? Telling lies?

Yes, Papa, you do all of those things because you’re a chronic addict.