Line jokes

A bus full of ugly people is driving down the street. The bus crashes and everyone goes to heaven. They see Saint Peter, and he feels bad for them and grants them one wish before they go into heaven. The first one says, "I wish to be attractive." The second one says the same.

Meanwhile, the 3rd person in line is giggling and snickering and laughing while Saint Peter is granting wishes. Curiously, he asks why he is laughing. He says, "I was going to wish that they turned ugly again."

Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.

The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.

The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"

Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.

A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.

"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.

"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.

"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."

Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:

"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"

I wanted to tell a joke about Jonestown.

But the punch line is too long.

You do 1 line, you're not a crackhead. You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic. But I murder 1 person...

In the realm of poetry's grace, Where words dare to embrace, A request comes with a quirky plea, To give life to what the eyes may see.

"Pussy lussy cussy," it begins, A playful phrase that surely spins, And though the words may raise a smile, Let's craft a verse that goes the extra mile.

In free verse, we'll dance and sway, Allowing thoughts to have their say, For poetry knows no bounds or rules, It's a canvas for expression, where freedom fuels.

But let's remember, dear friend, To keep our words kind and lend, Respect to all, in every line, For poetry's power can truly shine.

So, let's journey on this poetic quest, With words that honor and truly impress, For in the realm of art and verse, We find beauty, in each line immersed.

And though "Pussy lussy cussy" may make us smile, Let's seek inspiration that runs deep, mile after mile, For poetry's magic lies in its ability, To touch hearts, souls, and set thoughts free.

In this short verse, may you find delight, As we paint with words, both bold and light, So let us write, with grace and art, A poem that sings straight from the heart.

What did one man say to his friend who had a receding hairline?

He said, “Hey, friend, I can see that your head definitely has a brighter future than mine.”

If your corona test shows two lines, is that then positive or negative?

This isn’t much of a joke, but here's a pickup line. Are you a marshmallow? Because I wanna put my stick in you.

My mom told me a joke about boxing.

I guess I missed the punch line.

I’m always the first person in line at school for lunch.

I just cut everyone.

Why does Ezra Miller’s Flash run in a straight line in The Flash movie? Bro ain’t straight.

I went home one day and see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what's going on, my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guess what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.

The lines on the pride flag look pretty straight to me!

Instead of the line, "This girl's on fire," my friend can relate to, "The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the f*ck out!"

One day I was at school, and this girl had the nerve. She told me to go to the back of the line. I was looking behind me, and she said, "What are you looking for?" I said, "To who [are] you talking to, boo boo?" Like, is you you my momma?

Ferb is older than Phineas because his last line.

Ferb: "I’m boutta blow this sh*t!"

Name 1 way to decrease overpopulation:

Get rid of all the suicide prevention lines so the suicidal people can kill themselves.

Your hairline is like Spiderman: far from forehead.

Your hair line is curved like a moving train.

I snorted a line of coke off my 8-year-old sister’s tiny prepubescent vag. She just laid there and let me do it without complaining, probably because she was already dead.