What does a baby in a blender look like?
I don’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
ahem.. if somebody you dont like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this
Hello thank you for choosing mamas pizzeria/ abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce how may i help you?
or
hello this is davids orphanage you make them we take them how may i help you?
some people reactions are priceless and then the wonder about you mental health
i told my mom that i have a crush she replied with: "so u like girls" i said: "uhm no no no " BUT im lesbian someone help how do i tell her without her hitting me with a belt??
**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him ... everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing ... I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market ... they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?
People say I LIKE UR CUT G. Which is when u get a fresh cut but I guess when u go bald we can say like ur forehead g
I know it’s really really really really really bad
Two boys are talking on the bus Boy 1: I feel like i'm forgetting something. Boy 2: hey did you hear about that school shooting last week? Boy 1: oh that's right
People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow
Doctor , Doctor, I feel like a pair of Curtains ! what 's wrong with me! calm down calm down Just pull yourself together
What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung.
The twin towers are just like my mom and dad, they went to work and never came back
what does a peeing pterodactyl sound like
nothing the pee is silent
What does a bouncy airplane sound like?
Boeing Boeing Boeing...
If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the cheshire cat.
What looks like it has jaundice and is filled with stupidity? A Mexican
I’d like to take you to the movies but unfortunately they don’t let you bring ur own snacks😩
Bro.. tampons look like sperms and they go up your coochie
What’s the difference between broccoli and little girls?
I don’t like the taste of broccoli
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
Top tip; if your wife asks "what would you like to do to my body?" 'identify it' is the wrong answer
Hello! I hope you're having a good day or night! Mind commenting when you laughed the hardest and why? Like if you like this post!
