Like jokes
I want coffee like my men.
Dark.
Serial killers be like: "Blood is red, veins are blue, next one is YOU."
If you're going shopping at school, what color would I like to smell: True or False?
Your legs are just like Oreos! I wanna split the ends and eat what's in between.
Why do lions đŠ go to SUBWAY đ„Ș?
Because they like to EAT FLESH.
Memes
Bosses are like seagulls.
They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.
I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.
I donât like the term "rape," I prefer: "struggle snuggle."
What does a 90 year old's pussy taste like?
Depends...
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldnât see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? âIâm looking for the man who shot my paw!â
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
Whatâs red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
Whatâs the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
Like if you hate going to school.
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
Like if you wanna have sex.
I don't like the term "kidnapping." I prefer "surprise adoption."
What is an orphan's excuse to leave a party?
"I'm gonna make like my parents and run."
"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"
I don't like making 9/11 jokes because every joke about 9/11 I make has a tendency to crash and burn.
What kind of dogs do miners like best?
Golden retrievers, haha, get it?
Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.
Why did the grandmother put wheels on her rocking chair?
... she likes to rock and roll lol.