Like jokes
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
A cop pulls a man over and finds out he's drunk. So he asks for license and registration, and the drunk man says, "Can I see your flashlight?"
The cop says, "Just give me your license and registration." So drunk guy says, "Not until you give me your flashlight."
The cop said, "For what?" and the drunk guy says, "So I can shine it in your face and see what an asshole looks like."
Look at a bag of black grapes. See how dark they are? That’s how I like my men.
25 at a time.
What's green and smells like bacon?
Kermit's finger.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef......haha.....no one likes my jokes.
Wood fired pizza?
How's pizza gonna pay child support now?! :O
Please drop a like.
*bowl of dark grapes*
Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men.
Friend 2: Black? Good one.
Friend 1: 21 at a time.
What does an emo do on Halloween? They hang like a decoration.
Why do emos like circles? Because they can hang out with them.
Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.
Roses are red, just like your lips.
Mountains are big, just like your tits.
Why do lions 🦁 go to SUBWAY 🥪?
Because they like to EAT FLESH.
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
Bosses are like seagulls.
They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.
I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.
I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.
Serial killers be like: "Blood is red, veins are blue, next one is YOU."
Sam and Amya like anal sex with each other.
I would like to tell more jokes about 9/11, but they always crash and burn.
I want coffee like my men.
Dark.