Like jokes

Like if you hate going to school.

In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.

I didn't get the joke at first, then it hit me like a plane.

I don't like making 9/11 jokes because every joke about 9/11 I make has a tendency to crash and burn.

"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"

What is an orphan's excuse to leave a party?

"I'm gonna make like my parents and run."

I don't like the term "kidnapping." I prefer "surprise adoption."

I went up to the depressed kid and said, "I like ya cuts G!"

Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.

What kind of dogs do miners like best?

Golden retrievers, haha, get it?

Roses are red... Violets are blue... I feel like I'm gonna get raped next to you.

Why did the grandmother put wheels on her rocking chair?

... she likes to rock and roll lol.

I have an announcement, Shadow the Hedgehog is a bitch ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking wife and he said he dick was this big and I said that's disgusting, so I'm making a callout post on my twitter dot com. Shadow, u got a small dick it looks like this walnut except way smaller.

Your hairline is so big, Niagara Falls said, "Oh, looks like we've got some competition!"

Opposite day be like in doors.

Figure: Finally, I can see.

Eyes: Nnnnnoooo! I'm blind. Figure, I'm sorry I made fun of you all those other times. Please don't make fun of me.

Figure: Ok eye promise eye won't.

Eyes: 😭

Do you like CDs?

There's this really cool one called "C Deez Nuts."

Why are emos like paper?

They cut easily.

Why did Jeffery Dahmer not eat old people?

He does not like roasted vegetables.

I'm just like my LEDs, I'm meant to be hung.

Why did the orphan rob the bank? Because he wanted to know what it felt like to be wanted.