Like jokes
Yo hairline is too pushed back, looking like it got slapped up by Will Smith.
The lasagna I just cooked is for me, my friends, and family. You don't get none because your name is not on the list. You wanna know why? 'Cause you got the whole place smelling like catdog and ass.
Why does the Flash eat ostriches? Because he likes fast food.
She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.
I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.
Like a work film, to take new in the center.
More good, Tar de Spring is the mill Murray Hurlowar Skelett Dwight Dowl - for its general help!
I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.
Peanuts are hard to crack, just like my ex-wife's heart.
So I was looking through my pictures and I found a picture of a random kid that took a picture of his ugly face. It looked like someone that got hit by a car, then a bus, then a semi.
That’s what I get for not having a password on my iPad.
I am not telling you twice, your mouth stinks, so go burn your house down like a crazy mad woman, and I will call the cops like, "WTH," because you are so fat.
Someone I know is an ant. I feel like a mountain to them.
I've reached the age where looking in the mirror is like checking the news. I know there'll be some new developments I won't like.
Spell fuzz.
Okay, F-U-Z-Z, which also, it sounds like "F U Z's."
Today was like every other day. It was so terribly long and so terribly dreary. I fear these feelings will never end. I’ll always feel so dark, feel so hopeless. Sometimes all I want is for it to end. For all of it to end, for all of my thoughts to end. I despise the way that always comes to mind. But I feel so lost, feel so hopeless. If something would just work. But nothing has worked. Nothing can fix this. These feelings will pass. These days won't feel so endless... or so absolutely heavy. Just give it some time. Just give it some hope... and some belief. The ‘happy pills’ will work. The doctor says they'll help... they'll help it go away. Just dump the pill in your hand. Let yourself place the little white thing on your tongue... Let yourself throw your head back and swallow. It'll make this better. It should make me feel better.
Everything has changed! The world is so bright— The world is so loud! I don’t know how I never noticed! The sun is so warm— The grass is so green! I feel so awake! I feel so content— I feel so happy! It’s so strange! I’m not anxious— I’m not overthinking! I guess those pills really worked! I think I’m really getting better— I think I’m really going to be happy!
Leo is like a broken pencil... pointless.
Why does Ama like boomerangs? Because they actually come back!
Abortion isn't murder, it's more like backspacing a typo.
Why did the cow knock over Johnny?
Because the cow felt like to dumb.
Your hairline pushed back lookin' like you got slapped up by Will Smith.
No one has my back like my dad.
Why do egos like robbing banks?
They get a cut.