Like jokes
Other girls be like, "I want a 6ft guy", meanwhile I want to be 6ft under. 😃👍
Marriage is like a deck of cards.
In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond.
By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
Brojobs are like air. It's not important until you don't have any.
My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either since 2005.
Would you like to try African food?
They would too.
Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got to see either of them, and they are now extinct.
I'm like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside.
Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.
Like if you think I'm stupid.
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people.
Why do orphans like getting kidnapped? Because someone actually wants them. 🤣
Leave a like down below if you think Stephen Hawking should stand for the National Anthem.
People were talking and asking what's the worst day of the year for them.
Person 1: "The first day of school because I don't like going to school."
Person 2: "Valentine's day because it's too lovey."
Me: "Oh nice, mine is my birthday because it's when I was born."
Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.
A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.
Little Johnny was eating dinner with his family. His mother went around the table and asked, "Mark, what would you like to eat?" Mark said, "I'd like some fucking potatoes." *SMACK*! Mother slapped Mark. She then asked Suzie, "What would you like to eat?" "Well, I'd like some fucking potatoes," said Suzie. *SMAACK*! She slapped Suzie. "Okay, Johnny, what would you like to eat?" "Well.... I sure as hell don't want no fucking potatoes."
I like my Oreos how I like my victims... Drowning.
Like it if you judge people's hairlines.
A teacher asks a boy in her class, "If 3 birds are sitting on a fence, and one is shot, how many are left?" The boy responds with, "None." The teacher asks why. "They would all fly away after hearing the gunshot." The teacher says, "The answer is 2, but I like the way you think."
Later, the boy asks the teacher, "3 women walk out of an ice cream shop. One is eating with a spoon, one is licking it, and one is sucking it. Which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking it." The boy says, "No, the one wearing the ring, but I like the way you think."
Daughter: Dad.
Dad: Yes honey?
Daughter: I'm lesbian.
Dad: Ok.
Daughter 2: Dad.
Dad: Yes?
Daughter 2: I'm lesbian too.
Dad: God, does anyone like boys around here?
Son: I do...