Like jokes
Looking for true love. Must be into fun, likes to go out driving, playing the latest catching game and most importantly, must love kids. (PEADOPHILES MUST APPLY WITH HOW MANY KIDS YOU CAN CARRY!)
"Float like a butternut, sting like a bee."
One night when I was six, I had this super annoying accent, and when I said the number "six," Oh no... One night my Catholic priest asked me how many cookies I needed for my family. I told him six, but thanks to my accent being mixed with many others including Scottish, French, and Russian, it sounded like I said "I need to have sex." He looked at me strange then pulled me into a closet, being a pedo.
When Momma asked me why I was missing for 6 hours, I told her, "I went to get the cookies like you told me to, and father raped the Christianity out of me." The angry look she gave my father was amazing. Then with my Papa, she beat the hell outta him.
Serves him right.
Bring a knife into the shower. NEVER gonna see that coming! He pulls the curtain like ‘re re‘ and you're like ‘re re’ yourself, motherfucker, and stab him right in the eye! You thought the psycho was out there? SURPRISE, the psycho’s IN HERE with the Irish Spring on them!
What would the world be like without women?
A pain in the ass.
Iran? More like tin can, cause we’re going to kick their teeth in, am I right?
Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.
Me: I hit an orphan!
Mom: OMG WHY?
Me: Not like they can tell their parents-
Q: What season can an orphan see their family tree?
A: Fall.
If you don't get it, in the fall trees have no leaves, there [are] just empty branches, like an orphan's tree.
A guy starts chatting to a pretty woman at a party.
Seeing that she didn't back off, he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. "That's a nice name," he said, warming up the conversation. "Who named you, your mother?"
"No, I named myself," she answered.
"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said, looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.
‘BJ Titsngolf’
Why does Michael Jackson like to shop at Walmart?
Little boys' pants are half off!
Michael Jackson is like a TV from the 1900s: black and white.
So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”
Why do pedos like to lose races? Because they like to cum on a little behind.
How do we get a butt? God made us like that, and we can't change it. If you wanted to, you have to die <:
I don’t like to make jokes around dwarfs.
Simply because they look up to me.
One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!
What am I gonna do on the 5th anniversary of the Parkland shooting?
Shoot a load in you just like I shot those kids ;)
Emos are weird to me because they dress up all black, and you know I don't like that, so that's why I don't like it.
What was the last thing that went through the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
Lololol get it? They fell from like 100 feet.