I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset.
Good sex sounds like a white man walking across the street with flip-flops on.
Hairy vagina is like sweets with the wrapper on. You don't like it, but you still eat it.
How is spinach like anal sex?
If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.
Girls are like math; if they're under ten, then you use your fingers.
Max likes his girls like he likes his wine. 7 years old and locked in his basement.
Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.
I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"
What don't blind people like bungee jumping?
Because it scares the fuck out of dogs!
Women are like tornadoes.
They scream when they are coming and take your house when they are leaving.
For pedophiles, watching teen porn must be like watching mature porn.
Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."
What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?
A vowel movement.
Dark humor is like food.
Not everyone gets it.
What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?
I feel like a kid again.
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
Wives are like grenades. Remove the ring and boom, the house is gone!
My girlfriend treats me like God. -- She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
