Like jokes
Looks like the gene pool in your family is about three inches deep.
Visiting Alabama? Pop-up dating ads be like: "Never be lonely at cousinsonly.com."
What did the airplane say to the paper plane? Why do you look like a wimp?
My mom gave me a box of chocolates, and she said life is like a box of chocolates, but then it kind of tastes like dog shit.
A mouse is just like a ball bearing.
Drench them in oil, and they stop squeaking.
They told me Avengers: Endgame was going to be 3 hours long, but honestly? I felt like it was over in a SNAP!
So, a daughter goes to her dad and says, "Daddy, can I borrow the car?" He then tells her, "You know what to do." So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust, and says, "Ugh, tastes like shit." Her dad then said, "Damn, I forgot your brother took the car."
So there I was, fucking my sister, and she shouts, "God, you fuck like Dad!" I then said, "Damn, that’s what Mom said."
You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted... *laughs*
(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
Why did the grandmother put wheels on her rocking chair?
... she likes to rock and roll lol.
I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took a dick in the ass.
My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack.
I always hit on 16, then get busted.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef......haha.....no one likes my jokes.
Why am I gay?
Because I like mushrooms.
If you're reading this right now, Then the joke's on you, Because I'm right behind ya, mothafucka!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'm laughing because you look like a monkey.
No, seriously,
I'm right behind ya.
People are like bean burritos. You can eat them EVERY DAY, but you'll never run out.
What's brown and sounds like a bell?
Dung.
Do you like Mirah?
Mirah-t nuts.
Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."
Why don't some people like pennies?
Because it's common cents.