Who likes penis?
My cousin!
Me: "I like kids."
I like my coffee like I like my women.
Big tits.
My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex...
I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
When you say to your dad...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Dad be like...
Who wants my son?
Nan be like, "Me!"
Kid be like...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIVE ME #### ROUX!
What are roux, says nan?
Um, they're your life savings!
Nan be like, "Let's get some roux!"
Your mom is gay, just like your dad.
Do you like me? Joke... Well come on!
BOOMSHACKALATA!
A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system.
He agrees and the doctors turn the dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby and the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.
When your friend gets involved with someone, it affects the friendship. Whenever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend, we should say I looked like the person you used to know, but I've been modified to survive in this relationship. If we have an argument and she's there, I might disagree with you; I'd rather continue to see her naked.
Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl?
I’d really like to meter.
Do you like all the jokes I’ve been “cracking?”
Why is the most popular food at a baseball stadium pancakes? Because everybody likes a good batter!
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: .....it...
Friend: No
Me: *smiles* GETS BEAT BY THE MISTRESS AND GETS SCOLDED BY THE MASTER!!!
Friend: Why are you like this?
If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents!
Hungry: Dad, I'm hungry.
Dad: Hi, Hungry, I'm Dad.
Hungry: Why did you name me like this? :/
I like my women like I like my diving pool:
Deep and wet.
I was sitting in math class, and our teacher doesn't like it if we don't work on math in his class. So, I did science homework on top of a math book.
Looks like someone's funny bone's broken!
Depression is like having anxiety, but with more voices.
