Like jokes
I was ridin' your mom like she was Mario Kart!
Five minutes later, she agreed to get with me, so we went and rocked the minivan like, "Giggity, Giggity, Giggity!"
Big Dolly Parton hair, like an 80s prom queen!
I talked to your doctor. He said you wasn’t going to make it because your stretch marks look like pieces of bacon.
It isn't a real charity until India opens call centers, like they did with Africa.
Why do dogs like skeletons?
Because they're boneheads.
Why do bunnies like Bruno Mars? Because he got 24 carrots.
What do you call a guy with a big dick that likes to eat fish?
Long John Silvers or Captain D's.
A funny joke scenario.
Person 1: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
Person 2: Because he had no "body" to go with.
Person 1: Because he was ugly, fat, and nobody liked him.
If you had a friend like me, would you kill me?
Your birth certificate is like an apology from the condom factory...
What does a cow sound like when in a horror house?
Moo mooo moooooooo (screaming)!
Me: "Hey, you trashy pig woman, go in the toilet or lay on the grass where you belong."
Trashy pig woman: "Why?"
Because you smell like fart, and you're pretty much just a turd with lips.
I like my women like my family, they’re related.
When fat people smash, it must feel like a huge submarine hitting you.
Looks like he got stuck in a sticky situation.
My family is like Donkey Kong: a real pain in the ass.
Bring a knife into the shower. NEVER gonna see that coming! He pulls the curtain like ‘re re‘ and you're like ‘re re’ yourself, motherfucker, and stab him right in the eye! You thought the psycho was out there? SURPRISE, the psycho’s IN HERE with the Irish Spring on them!
So a girl says to her ex, "I can't get you out of my mind, the boyfriend I knew." The girl replies, "I see you in everything, like when I'm walking down the street, even at work, like trash cans are everywhere."
A man walks into a bar and orders 3 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down?"
The man says, "I just found out my niece is gay." The next day, he orders 4 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down now?" The man says, "I just found out my son is gay."
The next day, he orders 6 shots of whiskey. The bartender says, "Got anybody who likes women?" The man says, "My wife does."