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Cause she knows how I like it, and that I’m a little young to be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.

Five minutes later, she agreed to get with me, so we went and rocked the minivan like, "Giggity, Giggity, Giggity!"

I talked to your doctor. He said you wasn’t going to make it because your stretch marks look like pieces of bacon.

It isn't a real charity until India opens call centers, like they did with Africa.

What do you call a guy with a big dick that likes to eat fish?

Long John Silvers or Captain D's.

A funny joke scenario.

Person 1: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?

Person 2: Because he had no "body" to go with.

Person 1: Because he was ugly, fat, and nobody liked him.

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  • Me: "Hey, you trashy pig woman, go in the toilet or lay on the grass where you belong."

    Trashy pig woman: "Why?"

    Because you smell like fart, and you're pretty much just a turd with lips.

    Bring a knife into the shower. NEVER gonna see that coming! He pulls the curtain like ‘re re‘ and you're like ‘re re’ yourself, motherfucker, and stab him right in the eye! You thought the psycho was out there? SURPRISE, the psycho’s IN HERE with the Irish Spring on them!

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