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Stop making jokes about cancer... I might sound like a Karen, but it’s not fair... My mum died of cancer last month, and still I cry nearly every night πŸ™πŸ»

Why does Megan sound like a man, but she is a good singer and rapper, but then people talk about her? What's y'all rapper are singer?

I went to a sleepover at my best friend's house. He lives with his grandpa and little brother, his mom and dad. His little brother likes to run around the house naked sometimes. I can't help but notice his grandpa always looks up when he does.

Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.

My depression: hey, what's up!

Me: go away.

My depression: well how rude.

Me: πŸ™„.

My depression: remember that one time......

Me: no, don't even.

My depression: that we.....

Me: nope.

My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.

Me: 😳😢😟.

My depression: πŸ˜‰ don't worry I'll always be here for you.

Little Red Riding Hood has to deliver food to her grandma again. She can drive now because she is sixteen. One the way, she accidentally took the wrong way and got to a different forest where her grandma lives now. She found the wrong cottage that looked like her grandma's home. When she opened the door, she found her younger and older sisters of ages 9, 11, 18, and 22. How old is Little Red Riding Hood?

Answer: 16

The cheetah had a race with a lion, and the cheetah won.

The lion was like, "Why you always a cheetah?"

The cheetah was like, "Why you always lion (lying)?"

We the jury are yet to deliver our final verdict, but we would like to have a guess.

Is it Mrs. Peacock with the candlestick in the library?

The 1645 service has been cancelled and has been replaced by a replacement bus service.

EasyJet would like to apologise to all of those who are travelling to Greece.

Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!

Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.

Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?

Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.

Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.

Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.

Brother 2: You monster.

Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?

Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.

Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.

Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!

Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.

Brother 1: Found them.

*imaginary mother and brother fade away*

Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.

Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.

I told my mom that I have a crush. She replied with: "So you like girls?" I said: "Uhm no no no." BUT I'm lesbian. Someone help, how do I tell her without her hitting me with a belt?

So, I walked up to my grandma and I said, "What color would you be on a rainbow cupcake?" She just turned 61, ok, ok. So I'm like, "I got it, I got it, ok, ok." She's like: "Ok, what color?" I say: "Grey."

Q: Why did China take over Tibet? A: Because they china exploit foreign resources and keep it for themselves like bitch ass jerks.

Btw, these are real facts despite the CCP ́s propagandist narratives. #FreeTibet #FreeHongKong #FreeInnerMongolia #FreeUyghers

A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "Well... My oldest son just came out..." The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. "What now?" the bartender asks. "My middle son just came out." The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. "Again?" the bartender asks. "Yeah. My youngest son." He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. "My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls??" the bartender asks. "Yeah... My wife."

Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?

All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.

  • 1

    • One day I came to my mom and said, "MOM!!! I can make a butterfly!"

    Mom: "No you can't..."

    Me: *throws butter out the window* Me: "Look I made a butterfly!"

    lol this isn't funny but I hope you liked it.