Light jokes
What do children and lights have in common? They both hang from ceilings!
Not funny, here’s another.
Why can’t China play baseball? They ate the bat.
I stayed up all night trying to follow the sun... Then it dawned on me.
What do you call an emo kid with light up shoes?
A human chandelier.
Children in the dark make mistakes.
Mistakes in the dark make children.
How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw a light bulb?
Oh wait, Michael Jackson only screws little boys, my bad.
Name an ant which is very heavy?
Eleph-ant.
God: Ok, so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look from being born to preteen.
Satan: (slides in) I’ll take over for you, pops.
God: I dunno... this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system.
Satan: Don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18!
God: Hmm... I’m still not- (Gets a call on his phone) Shoot, I got to take this. (Answers call) Don’t touch anything, Lucifer! (Walks away)
Satan:.......(just touches lightly, and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away)
God: (rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?!
God: (tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) Fuck me........
God:....(sighs) Fine, it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty.
“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?”
No sun.
How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?
Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They just hold it in the socket and expect the world to revolve around them.
How do you light up a football stadium? With a football match.
How do you get a light bulb horny? You turn it on!
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side!
What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
Your mama so fat the flash died halfway running around her.
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5
4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.
How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb?
5 days. & I’m pretty proud of myself.
Why was the sun ☀️ mad at the clouds ☁️?
Because the clouds kept throwing shade.
How many babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
More than 10, since my basement's still dark.