Light jokes
Why is the sun lit?
Because it has much solar.
How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.
What do you call an emo kid with light-up shoes? A human chandelier.
Why did tube date electricity? Because he would light up when she touched him.
What’s the easiest way to make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail—it’ll be delighted!
How many emos does it take to fix a light?
I don't know because they never came down.
If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.
If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.
I’m a star! Because one of these days, I’m going to crash and burn...
If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I’d be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.
I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.
If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.
I’m like an eggshell... broken and empty.
If I was a mythical creature, I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.
I’m like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.
My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.
I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.
I’m like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.
I’m like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.
I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.
I’m like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.
My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.
Help me...
Ask a darkie for a light.
VOTING FINAL This vote is for the best School Shooter joke of the month.
LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.
DISLIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.
Vote for the better joke and the Joke of the Month will be announced in the comments tomorrow.
The sun is already bright, stupid!
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The w.
What's the fastest way to stop an argument between a bunch of deaf people?
Just switch off the lights.
A couple has sex in the dark every single night.
One night, the wife gets curious about what goes on, so they start f...ing, and she flicks the light on. When she flicks the light on, she catches him with a dildo playing with her pussy. She's so mad that she started ranting and raving. The husband says, "Honey, I know you're mad, and I'll explain the toy. Just do me one favor: explain the children."
Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark, I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly.
When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.
But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!
The best part about Poland 🇵🇱 is that the police lights are different.
What do you call a son of Gilgamesh that hates flashy lights? The epileptic of Gilgamesh.
What does a white person say when they're surrounded by black guys? "Hey, who turned the lights out?!"
What do you call it when you light a person in a wheelchair on fire?
Cooking the vegetables.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
102, if you have some alive ones.