How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?

Apparently not enough to impress him

What’s the difference between light and hard?

It’s easy to get to sleep with a light on.

God said, “Let there be light.” Chuck Norris said, “You have to say please first.”

How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb it takes two but don’t ask me how they get inside

What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb

You can’t unscrew a pregnant woman

What’s a similarity between a broken lightbulb, and a pregnant woman

They’re both accidents

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, that’s a hardware problem.

Where was Moses when the lights went out? - In the dark!

“did you go to the light show?”

“Yeah it was lit”

How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb? One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her. …just kidding-

  • none. They can’t change anything.

Best way to stop a fight between deaf people? Just turn off the Lights

What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? You can unscrew a light bulb.

I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?

More than ten, apparently.

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb? Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark

When the school shooter leaves your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.

Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Wanna go ride a bike?

What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb You can unscrew a light bulg

I ran over neighbors cat last night and I just want to say… THAT THING WAS FAST! I had run a red light to get it!

If I was an object in this world I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I’m a star! Because one of these days I’m going to crash and burn…

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I’d be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.

If I was a food I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I’m like an eggshell… broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I’m like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I’m like the moon because as the month progresses my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I’m like an Ex streamly powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I’m like a shity book cover… because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape but the more they try the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety

Help me…

Hey God what are you making?

Just a wooden stick that lights on fire

sounds like a match made in heaven

Loading...