Light jokes
What’s the difference between your wife and a light switch?
I don’t turn on a light switch.
What are the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights?
They are both going to be hanging from a tree.
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That is the electrician's job. I am a specialist.
How many software engineers?
Again, none. It's a hardware problem.
How many computer programmers to change a light bulb?
Two, but one resigns halfway through the project.
I crashed into the back of a car at the lights today.
A really short guy got out of it and said, “I’m not happy.”
I said, “Well, which one are you then?”
What ankle is getting cut off of school? The lights.
Hey God, what are you making?
Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.
Sounds like a match made in heaven.
Why did the robot eat a lightbulb?
'Cause he was in need of a light snack!
Which one's super super corny?
1. What's blue and not heavy? (🤔) Light blue.
2. What's blue and super hard to see?
Dark blue. (🤔)
How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"
How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"
Once there was this kid that wanted to shower with his dad, so his dad said yes. Then he asked, "What is that?" and his dad said it's a chow chow train.
The next day, he wanted to shower with his mom, so she said yes. He asked again, "What is that?" and she said it was a tunnel with light.
The same day, he wanted to sleep with them, and they said yes.
In the middle of the night, he woke up and told his mom to turn on the light because the chow chow train is going in.
Today I'm attaching a light to the ceiling, but I'm afraid I'll probably screw it up.
Monkeys are big, but they sure can swing very lightly.
Me and my suicidal friend are close, so I took him to the mall to treat him.
We bought snacks, a new controller for his Xbox, and LED lights for his room to hopefully brighten his mood. After we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.
How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.
Why do they call matches, matches?
They all look the same.
Back the halls with gasoline, la la la la la.
Light a match and watch it gleam, la la la la la.
My school is burnt into ashes, fa la la la la, la la la la.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your smile's warmth, Lights up my view.
What did the feather say to his wife?
You light my day.
Girls: OMG what color should I use, baby blue, light blue, or navy blue?
Boys: blue is blue.