Light jokes
I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.
He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.
*I have seizures*
Today I'm attaching a light to the ceiling, but I'm afraid I'll probably screw it up.
What is the difference between a human and a tree?
And walk, walk home, and...
How many crack heads does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, there is no electricity.
The match: "Ur my match." The thighs: "You light me up."
How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb?
One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her.
...just kidding-
- none. They can't change anything.
My black friend turned off the lights and suddenly disappeared.
Q: What kind of building weighs the least?
A: A lighthouse!
Once there was this kid that wanted to shower with his dad, so his dad said yes. Then he asked, "What is that?" and his dad said it's a chow chow train.
The next day, he wanted to shower with his mom, so she said yes. He asked again, "What is that?" and she said it was a tunnel with light.
The same day, he wanted to sleep with them, and they said yes.
In the middle of the night, he woke up and told his mom to turn on the light because the chow chow train is going in.
What do you call a retarded three legged doggo heckin pupper monster? A 1996 Dodge Neon with a broken tail light cover and 166,748.46 miles on the odometer.
It could use a tune up and it needs a new transmission soon. New rear tires and a new radiator. Test drives with cash in hand. HMU motivated seller. Don’t waste my time and no lowballs.
A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Give me 2 beers." The bartender gives him two beers and coughs in the guy's beer bottles before giving it to him. The guy says to the bartender, "Hey, what are you doing? I didn't order Bud Lights, I want Corona beer." The bartender replies, "Sir, I gave you a mix of Bud Light and Corona, and it's on the house, everyone is drinking Corona tonight."
What ankle is getting cut off of school? The lights.
Yo mama so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," He was just asking her to move.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They told her to go find the light.
Sun.
What did one candle say to the other?
"Want to go out tonight?"
Your hairline and my car go Lighting McQueen speed because he never came back with the milk.
You're so dark that even God's light can't shine upon you.
Why is the sun so attractive? Because it is burning hot!
How do you make the world’s greatest Harlem Shake?
Throw a flashbang into a room full of epileptics.