Light jokes
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They told her to go find the light.
I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.
He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.
*I have seizures*
I saw a depressed kid and I gave him a lamp to lighten up his day.
How do you stop an argument between two deaf people? Switch off the lights.
Why are emos jealous of light?
The lights are hanging.
Every time a Light Saber goes off, it's just a Jedi Master getting hard over a kid. Lol.
That one teacher that flips on and off the light switch to get the students' attention... that one kid with epilepsy...
So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.
There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.
How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't change anything.
I am just kidding, you know gay jokes aren't funny, come on guys.
How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.
How do you get two deaf people from fighting?
Turn off the lights and walk out.
What do you call an emo kid with light-up shoes? A human chandelier.
My black friend turned off the lights and suddenly disappeared.
Why do women always have sex with the lights off?
Because they never like to see a man having a good time.
Why is "dark" spelled with a K and not a C?
Because you can't see in the dark.
Why does the Sun go to school?
To get brighter!
Sun.
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Why is the penis so light?
Because even thots can lift them.
Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.
Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"
Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".
"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"
Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."
Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."