Light jokes

That one teacher that flips on and off the light switch to get the students' attention... that one kid with epilepsy...

"I wish I was either Christmas lights or a mistletoe."

"Why?"

"Because I want to hang!"

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They told her to go find the light.

Why are emos jealous of light?

The lights are hanging.

Every time a Light Saber goes off, it's just a Jedi Master getting hard over a kid. Lol.

What is Michael Jackson's favorite button?

Light mode.

So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...

How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.

There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.

What do you call an emo kid with light-up shoes? A human chandelier.

How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.

How do you get two deaf people from fighting?

Turn off the lights and walk out.

Why is "dark" spelled with a K and not a C?

Because you can't see in the dark.

Why do women always have sex with the lights off?

Because they never like to see a man having a good time.

Why does the Sun go to school?

To get brighter!

Sun.

1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?

- A bus full of children.

2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

- He died of a yeast infection.

3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...

- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”

4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...

- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...

- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

My black friend turned off the lights and suddenly disappeared.

Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.

Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"

Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".

"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"

Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."

Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."

I tried to think of how lighting works.

Then it struck me!

How many Kardashians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One really small one and one really small black guy.

What was OceanGate's biggest regret?

Not painting Dylan Mulvaney on the side of the Titan submarine for when it sunk like Bud Light's profits.