Light jokes
Kate: Can we have a threesome?
Trevor: Sure.
The lights go off and Trevor starts doing what he's supposed to be doing, and then he feels something going up his back end. He goes to punch the person behind him, but then he turns on the light, and it was Kate behind him, and he's been fucking the guy the whole time.
A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.
Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."
How many emos does it take to fix a light?
I don't know because they never came down.
How do you get a light bulb horny? You turn it on!
Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.
How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?
Apparently not enough to impress him.
If you give a man a match, he is warm for the night, but if you light a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life. :)
How did the retard win the break dancing competition?
He saw flashing lights.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.
Every time a Light Saber goes off, it's just a Jedi Master getting hard over a kid. Lol.
Why is being an electrician the easiest job in the world? It's literally light work.
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
What do you call an emo kid with light up shoes?
A human chandelier.
The best part about Poland 🇵🇱 is that the police lights are different.
A photon is checking into a hotel.
The bellhop asks him, "Do you have any luggage?"
The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."
I threw a lamp at a depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They just hold it in the socket and expect the world to revolve around them.
What holds the sun ☀️ up in the sky?
Sunbeams.
"My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.
Q: How heavy is a photon?
A: It's light!