Did you know if you give a guy a plane ticket he flys once but if you push him out of plane he flys for the rest of his life

because all I do is pound it man I would put you on my 600 pound life if you didnt weigh a 1,000

because all I do is pound it man I would put you on my 600 life if you didnt weigh a thousand

Ya know life as a pufferfish is tuff. They get startled they the get hard.

My life is like a broken pencil, it’s pointless.

My life

I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck? I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born

person : Hey do you know what’s the best thing in life?

you do realize that said nothing right

me : exactly :)

God promised John that if he came 1st he would get an eternal life but instead he came 5th and got a kettle!

Me and my friends life story on a dialy basis

there was always that one SPECIFIC person u THOUGHT ruined ur life,but it turns out ur life has always been ruined by u being in it…

I have a the best life coach ever, because he taught to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still don’t care.

My Life

When I was acting up, my mother used to tell me, “I brought you into this world, and I will take you out. I gave you life, and I can also take it.” So my son was acting up and talking back to me. Now I’m being charged with murder. I don’t understand. I thought it was okay to kill your own kids.

my love life

What does BLM stand for? Bisexual Lifes Matter

Me:Sister STOP STEALING MY STUFF OR I WILL MAKE U FEEL BAD Sister:No I wont stop Me:Fine im telling the world what u did Sister:What you will see when i post it Sister:WHY DID U TELL THEM I PEED ON SANTA CLAUS WHEN I WAS 12 YEARS OLD ME:BECAUSE U DON´T HAVE A LIFE

My mom trying to get me to do dishes

Mom: I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes.

Me: Why did you?

Mom: I was very drunk…

Explains a lot…

Me: Hey, mom? Why do we celebrate birthdays?

Mom: Because that’s the day a new life was born, and people are born every day so every day is a special day.

My thoughts: And my friend wonders why I have depression…

I wish I could say that my life is a joke but I can’t because jokes have a meaning

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