I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time, I'd give your mom a coat hanger.
"Don't worry! Life goes on."
"Yeah, that's what's had me worried."
I'm at my happiest point in life. I'm dating someone that's autistic, and I was just saying I needed someone special in my life.
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."
I have the best life coach ever, because he taught me to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still don’t care.
Q. What movie represents an orphan's life?
A. Spiderman: No Way Home.
I realized that a really bad joke and my life are the exact same thing.
bully: "Your life's a joke."
me: "My life's not a joke, jokes have meaning."
I've always been suicidal. Some might say, "Why haven't I actually done the act?" I'll just say, well, I hate myself too much so I thought I'd stay around for the punishment of staying alive.
The closest thing in a depressed person's life is a knife and his/her throat.
My grandpa told me I was too dependent on devices. I told him he was a hypocrite and unplugged him from his life support.
I just wanted to say to never let go of family; they are everything. Never let anyone walk all over you. And if you are with me, like this quote.
you play gatcha life more like go get a life.
Cheer up! Old age doesn't last that long!
I have been thinking about suicide lately. I mean, hey, my mom tells me I can do anything I put my mind to.
My friend was feeling low today, so I went up to her and said, "You know, I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life." I don't think she likes me now.
If you ever feel useless... Just remember that if you ever feel useless... Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with... the Taliban.
Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times, and she won’t believe you.
Tell a woman she’s fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life.
Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually." Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.
