Life jokes

What's the best cure for aging? Suicide.

Fancy playing rodeo sex?

"OK then," she said!

Then put your dick in her ass and say it’s not as tight as your sister’s ass and hold on for dear life... real life cow bow boy shit!

Everyone says Kenny has an easy life.

I disagree. I hear his mom likes complicated sex positions.

If I saw a homosexual or transsexual man do so much as TOUCH my child, he would be dead, zombified, and castrated by the end of the day.

Protect your young'uns from these degenerate freaks and live off the grid so they have no bearing on your life.

What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.

What's similar between a pregnant 14 y/o girl and the foetus inside of her?

They both are thinking "My mom's gonna kill me!"

At weddings, old people poke me and say, "You're next!" So I do the same to them at funerals.

Q: What season can an orphan see their family tree?

A: Fall.

If you don't get it, in the fall trees have no leaves, there [are] just empty branches, like an orphan's tree.

What is the difference between a prisoner and an orphan?

One of them is wanted.

I think God is cool with abortion.

After all, he did kill his only son.

You have an entire life being an idiot, why not take a day off?

Abortion is wrong because God wanted the baby to be alive.

Miscarriages are okay because God did not want the baby to be alive.

What do dark humor and kids with cancer have in common? They never get old.

My ex died today.

I also lost my job as a butcher.

My love life.

Before: Caring & Noble.

After: Chernobyl.

How do you know someone has Down syndrome?

They're doing better than you.

Roses are red, oranges are orange.

Get a life, quit watching porn.

All my life I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to achieve something.

Now, after messing up my life at every possible chance, I finally realize that what I really want is to have been someone after following through with one thing.

What is the difference between a kid with cancer and dark humor?

Dark humor never dies!