Life jokes

Men should provide their disobedient daughters with their own "milk" instead of letting them use the mother. That will teach those bitches some respect for men. It may even help them get laid later on in life.

Why did the crumb cake isolate himself? He had a crumbling social life.

I always sucked at mazes. I found myself lost over and over again, but if life is a labyrinth, I'd always find the escape. The final dead end, my personal favorite...

Fancy playing rodeo sex?

"OK then," she said!

Then put your dick in her ass and say it’s not as tight as your sister’s ass and hold on for dear life... real life cow bow boy shit!

Everyone says Kenny has an easy life.

I disagree. I hear his mom likes complicated sex positions.

What's the best cure for aging? Suicide.

If I saw a homosexual or transsexual man do so much as TOUCH my child, he would be dead, zombified, and castrated by the end of the day.

Protect your young'uns from these degenerate freaks and live off the grid so they have no bearing on your life.

What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.

What's similar between a pregnant 14 y/o girl and the foetus inside of her?

They both are thinking "My mom's gonna kill me!"

At weddings, old people poke me and say, "You're next!" So I do the same to them at funerals.

Q: What season can an orphan see their family tree?

A: Fall.

If you don't get it, in the fall trees have no leaves, there [are] just empty branches, like an orphan's tree.

What do dark humor and kids with cancer have in common? They never get old.

What's life if you don't have one...

Abortion is wrong because God wanted the baby to be alive.

Miscarriages are okay because God did not want the baby to be alive.

You have an entire life being an idiot, why not take a day off?

My ex died today.

I also lost my job as a butcher.

My love life.

Before: Caring & Noble.

After: Chernobyl.

What is the difference between a prisoner and an orphan?

One of them is wanted.

Roses are red, oranges are orange.

Get a life, quit watching porn.