Life jokes

We should enjoy the present while it's here. Do you know why they call it the present? Because it's a gift.

My social life.

Why doesn't Helen Keller's boyfriend like having sex with her?

'Cause she just lies there like she's dead.

A kid had school today.

He was late every single day. He said in his mind, "I wish I can go to school again." What happened? It's obvious...... He died :)

Before: Caring & Noble.

After: Chernobyl.

Want to hear a joke? I swear it isn't about my life again.

My mom and dad made a joke together and called it "yeetsu" (me)!

Everything.

What makes my life so unfair?

You invading it for no apparent reason.

Why did the emo kid try [to] high five the tree?

So it can hang him.

There was a blind man. He was blind. Ha, sucks for him.

What’s the difference between an ant and an orphan?

The ant knows where home is.

My April Fool's joke is going to an orphanage and telling them their parents came back.

What do you tell someone who has depression?

Answer: Just hang in there.

What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day, and the teacher was talking about life. The teacher asked him, "Little Johnny, how do you want your wife to be like?" Little Johnny answered, "Like the moon." The teacher said, "That's such a beautiful answer because it's calm and peaceful." Little Johnny replied, "No, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning."

I forgot you can't make depression jokes outside of Twitter, lmao. My coworker was like, "You ready for this year to be over?"

I was like, "I'm ready for this life to be over." He was like, "Bro, what?"

If they made a movie about your sex life, what would the title be?

Mine would be "Alien Vs. Predator."

I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.

I had a dad.

How do you know someone has Down syndrome?

They're doing better than you.