If life was like Pacific Rim, I'd say your mom's pussy was a category 5.
Life Jokes
Apparently, I'm a category for jokes now. Hmm... ok!
#HOMIEZ4Life
P.S. Say "crack my finger," now say it backwards :)
This is not a joke, it's a warning!
You guys are stupid. I am an orphan, and you better stop doing these. BTW, if you are an orphan, put it in the comments and say that it's not funny!
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common?
That I will never get old.
Never kill an orphan, because then that will end their misery.
I was in the Sahara Desert, dying of thirst. Thankfully, Pionel Pessi, the debut man, came to my rescueπ¨βπ. He brought in 100's of helicopters filled with bottles to quench my thirst. I asked him how he had so many bottles; "big games," he replied. Thanks for saving my life, my idol.
π¦π¦π¦π¦π¦π¦π¦π¦π¦π©πππ·π΅π+/;!Β₯/%? Fuckfuckfuuk of your own is also a joke about your relationship with Google and Twitter users who don't know what they think of their own personal life, and the way they have been involved since the last few years of debate is the only thing.
A turtle was walking down the street when suddenly a snail came and robbed him. When the police came, they asked what happened. The turtle responded, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"
Wanna hear a short joke? Well duh, I mean that's why you're on here... Well, here one...
My life.
Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes, and everyone is trying to shit on ya.
Best part about being an orphan?
Not spending 1h30 at the table every night with your dad yelling, "What's 2*3?!!" And you crying, "I don't know!!!"
You wanna know what I have in common with an apple?
We BOTH look good hanging in a tree.
Why canβt orphans live?
They donβt have parents.
My life.
Kill me, please.
What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?
Gloves!
JK, he hasn't opened it yet.
POV: Your grandma is on life support. I would unplug her life support to charge my third phone.
5+2 = 7
But 4+3 also = 7
So take your own path.
When your mum tells you to help your granny And you in plug life support.
FICTIONAL BOOKS / AUTHORS
Outdoor Entertaining by Patty O.
Over the Mountaintop by Hugo First.
Plumbing for Idiots by Duane Pipes.
Music Theory by Amanda Lynn Player.
Meterology 101 By Wendy Reign and Sonny Daze.
Oh God By Dixie Rect.
Please Don't Stop By Craven Moorehead.
Life And Times Of A Porn Star By Dixie Normous.
Right Stuff By Dang Lin-Wang.
How To Take Care of Your Cat By Connie Lingus.
Right Way 2 Orgasm By Buster Cherry.
The Unwanted Child By Brooke N Rubbers.
Ur mom is so fat that she has her own gravitational field. She attracts everything around her, from planets to asteroids to comets. She is the center of the solar system, and the sun is just one of her many satellites. She is so massive that she bends space and time, creating wormholes and black holes. She is the ultimate cosmic phenomenon, and no one can escape her pull.
Ur mom is so old that she witnessed the Big Bang. She was there when the universe was born, and she has seen it all. She knows the secrets of the cosmos, and she has lived through every epoch and era. She has watched stars form and die, galaxies collide and merge, and civilizations rise and fall. She is the oldest living being in existence, and she has more wisdom than anyone can imagine.
Ur mom is so ugly that she scares away aliens. She is the reason why we have never made contact with extraterrestrial life. They have seen her face and they have fled in terror. They have warned their fellow species to avoid Earth at all costs, because it is inhabited by a monstrous creature that defies all logic and beauty. She is the ultimate deterrent for invasion, and she has saved humanity from countless alien invasions.
