Leave jokes
What does Joe Biden say to young girls when he leaves the room?
"Smell ya later!"
What is red, orange, and yellow but doesn’t feel anything when it falls? Autumn leaves. 🍁
A rich man and a poor man are talking about anniversaries. The rich man got his wife a Mercedes and a diamond ring. He says if the wife does not like the ring, she can take the Mercedes and leave.
The poor man said he got his wife slippers and a dildo. He says if his wife does not like the slippers, she can go and fuck herself.
Your hairline goes so far back your dad didn't leave.
Your momma is so old, when she went to the antique store, they wouldn't let her leave.
What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?
The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.
One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".
The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."
Warning! Cringe Alert!
What happens when you leave your phone at jail?
It becomes a cell phone.
🎆 New Year's Eve
Lil Johnny👦: "Every year the same, people always have to start banging before midnight!"
Mom👱🏻♀️: "Johnny, would you please leave the bedroom now?"
Dad👨🏻🦰: "Son, if you don't leave, it'll bang on your head!"
Treat me like a joke, and I will leave you like it's funny.
A little girl asks her mum, "Mummy how was I born?"
Her mother smiled and replied: "Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day."
"The seed slowly grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful, healthy plant. So me and Daddy took the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so high that we fucked without a condom!"
When you see a kid yelling and you wanna leave :(((((((
Your children grew up faster than it took you to leave for the milk.
A donut and depression are the same. Both have nothing in the middle, and the other is nothing is left if you leave it for too long.
This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
Did you leave your hairline at the airplane, because it's going up?
Best not leave hungry kids unattended!
What has eight legs and leaves kids alone? The Jackson 4.
Which one will fall from the tree first, the leaves or the emo?
The emo doesn't fall.