🎆 New Year's Eve
Lil Johnny👦: "Every year the same, people always have to start banging before midnight!"
Mom👱🏻♀️: "Johnny, would you please leave the bedroom now?"
Dad👨🏻🦰: "Son, if you don't leave, it'll bang on your head!"
Treat me like a joke, and I will leave you like it's funny.
A little girl asks her mum, "Mummy how was I born?"
Her mother smiled and replied: "Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day."
"The seed slowly grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful, healthy plant. So me and Daddy took the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so high that we fucked without a condom!"
When you see a kid yelling and you wanna leave :(((((((
Your children grew up faster than it took you to leave for the milk.
A donut and depression are the same. Both have nothing in the middle, and the other is nothing is left if you leave it for too long.
This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
Did you leave your hairline at the airplane, because it's going up?
Best not leave hungry kids unattended!
What has eight legs and leaves kids alone? The Jackson 4.
Which one will fall from the tree first? The leaves or the emo The emo doesn't fall
What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."
Suicide is just freedom, life is just full of pain... Sometimes if you're gone maybe somebody might notice. Feels like life is a maze and the only way to leave is the exit. Nobody notices your pain, your suffering, and that you try your best though everyone notices your mistakes. Life just feels like everyone hates you. Life for me is just faking smiles, I'm not sure how everyone lives such a good life.
Yo mama so fat, she went to the moon without leaving Earth.
Before you leave that marriage, remember that one innocent 🐐 goat was killed for your traditional marriage. 😔
My friend was getting bullied so I went over and asked him to stop, it went a little bit like this:
Me; dude, leave her alone. Him; beat it b*tch. *lots of arguing and swearing* Me; ya know! The smartest thing that ever came outta your mouth was probably a penis Him; *walks away*
Why do cats leave scratches on arms? They don't; I do it myself.
What's the quickest way to get money besides winning the lottery?
Leaving your son with Michael Jackson.
Image you ask a girl out in braille.
And she leaves you on felt
