Lay's jokes

Baby

    • "Rock-a-bye baby on the treetop, When the wind blows, the baby will drop. Then the baby will lay on the ground, Not moving a muscle, not making a sound."

    Incest

    • Once a woman suspected that her husband was fucking their daughter at night. So she made a plan. That night, she gave her daughter sleeping pills and told her husband that you go to sleep, I have a headache and I will sleep on the sofa in the drawing room today. After everyone slept, she picked up her sleeping daughter and laid her on the sofa and went to her bed and lay down. After an hour, the door of the room opened and one man entered the room and jumped on the bed and fucked her intensely for 2 hours. Then she turned on the light with the bed switch and said, "You definitely didn't expect me." "I definitely didn't expect you, MOM! But you are more delicious than sister"! Her son replied in surprise!

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    • Chicken

    • My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.

    "No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."

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    • Lay's memes

    Prank

    • Any body have nothing to do? Well here is a prank that you'll never forget!

    (Btw I never actually did this irl yet)

    So tell your parents at night to come in in about 30 minutes cuz your legs hurt and you need them rubbed. So when they come in, pretend like your sleeping and right before they go out shout: NO! Then they will look at you but you'll be sleeping. (The idea is that you'll be sleep talking.) Then you start to cuss and say the most random things like: Hey you can't chew my cud it's mine, plus, you even went swimming today at that damm lake! Also say something like: YOU SON OF A BITCH! *swat in the air once* Then say: Why I made your f*ckin' bed today you stupid parents! *swat three times* And btw try and not smile as hard as it may be cuz they will be looking at you weird. And try to open your eyes just enough so you can see them. And depending on the tipe of parent you have they may wake you up by then or they will get interested and start laughing! Any way, then say: That mother f*cker that lives across the street just said I was ugly, you should do something about it(sibling name) ______. And also say: And if you happen to know where the nearest store is then that would be helpful. Then say: No Hulk! Leave me alone I love you! *swat twice*. Then say: Uncle Timmy Tom you are such a nude nick.(my dad made up the word nude nick, it just means crazy and annoying) Then settle down and lay on your stomach in your "sleep" and make it look like you putting the blanket on you more, but irl it would probably be to hide a smile! I think I will stop there cuz I don't think any one could hold in there laughter that long and if you feel like you can hold out longer then just make something up.

    I hope you guys can do this and it goes well for you! Please comment! Byeee!

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    • Woman

    • The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered, “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”

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    • Sex worker

    • A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”

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    • Grenade

    • There were three people on the third floor of a building. The first one took a bite of an apple, then said it was too hard, so he threw it out the window. The second person took a bite of a lemon. He said it was too sour, so he threw it out the window. The third guy was drunk. He took a bite of a grenade and thought it was too crunchy, so he threw it out the window.

    Then one of them went downstairs. He saw a dog laying on the ground dead. The apple had hit the dog in the head. Then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap. It had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head. Next, there was an old guy laughing. I asked him why he was laughing. He said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up."

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    • Superman

    • Superman was flying one day when he saw Wonder Woman laying by the pool completely naked. He thought, "I can fuck her so fast she wouldn't even know what happened." So he then flew down to the pool and did fuck her.

    Wonder Woman stood up and said, "What was that?" The Invisible Man said, "I don't know, but my asshole stinks!"

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    • Street

    • A husband and wife are crossing the street. The husband is explaining to the wife why you should always look both ways before crossing the street.

    Man: "So you see, Dolly? You should always look both ways before crossing the street."

    The man turns and looks to his wife, but she is not there!

    Man: "Dolly? Dolly!"

    The man looks around and sees Dolly laying dead on the street.

    Man: "Dolly!"

    Road

    • “Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;

    Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same,

    And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.

    I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.”

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    • Baby

    • What's the difference between a million dollars and a million dead babies?

    I don't have a million dollars laying around my house.

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