Lay's jokes
Roses are red, violets are purple, lay in my bed so I can suck your nurple.
Why did the rapper become a plumber?
Because he wanted to lay down some SICK PIPES!
It was so windy I saw a chicken lay the same egg twice!
Why can’t baby ducks lay eggs? Because their quacks are too small.
Yo mama is so fat when she goes to the dentist, they make her lay face down.
What do you call a black couple who's on welfare and food stamps?
Lay-Z and Freeyonce.
Are you a highway? Because I wanna lay on you.
A guy and his girl just finished making love.
Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"
The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"
A young teen was walking home from school and having a nice day.
She gets home, eats, showers, and heads to her room. The young teen hears her mother say something. Not sure what she said, the girl replies with "ok."
The young teen was gonna head to bed, wondering when her mom was gonna come in and say goodnight. She lays in bed, but then she hears her mom's voice say, "Hunny, I'm home." She doesn't bother to say ok.
Later, when she decides to sleep, she gets a message from her mom saying to unlock the door, that she lost her keys. :)
A friend of mine chews gum, lays back to yawn, then chokes on the gum. Then I said, "God, what, you choking on dick?"
A chicken walks into a bar.
He orders Dr. Pepper.
He then lays a good scrambled egg.
What do you call a lazy potato chip? Lays!
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Lay on the bed, So I can fuck you.
What do a fat woman and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans.
What did the evil chicken lay?
Deviled eggs.
Me: Hey you trashy pig woman, go in the toilet or lay on the grass where you belong.
Trashy pig woman: Why?
Me: Because you smell like fart and you're pretty much just a turd with lips.
What did the cow say to the cheese? I am your father.
What do you call a cow that's laying down? Ground Beef.
Shortly after the hole was finished, everyone in the forest was looking for long grass to fill the hole. The upper layer covered it with short grass and scattered some grass around the hole so it didn't seem as conspicuous. The next evening, the villagers hid in their houses and turned off the lights and waited inside, while one of the farmers stood outside and, if possible, unobtrusively skimped on a cart.
Around midnight, the Headless Rider appeared with his horse in the village. He saw the seemingly single peasant scooping his hay and rode towards him. He was about to swing his axe, and while he was doing so, he overlooked the slightly more scattered grass near the farmer – and thus fell into the trap. He clumsily slumped into the prefabricated hole together with his horse and now lay there helplessly inside, together with his horse, which swayed in panic as the rider's axe was stuck in its back.
When the villagers heard this, they all stormed out of the houses to surround the hole. They saw the Headless Rider, and when he noticed all the villagers around him, he cursed: “Gaaah! You stupid villagers caught me! I can't do much down here. I give up.” The villagers took his axe away from him. Now they only needed a just punishment for the rider.
One of the villagers shouted: “We should tie him to a rope and hang him! He tried to kill us all and plagued us for a long time. So we should kill him and let him suffer for a long time!” The other villagers agreed with him. So they tied a thick rope to a branch of a large tree that stood in the village garden. The villagers took the Headless Rider out of the hole and dragged him to the rope. As they were about to hang the rope around his neck, they noticed that something didn't fit in their plan to hang the Headless Rider. Then the Headless Rider cried out: “You stupid mortals, I have no head at all! Why are you trying to hang me?”
One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars. As I lay there, I thought to myself: WHERE'S THE ROOF?
GF: Laying down.
BF: GROANING
GF: Are you good at aiming and shooting?
BF: Yeah, why?
GF: Shoot that did in there.
BF: Mmmhuugh