What’s the difference between rape and marriage?
With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman.
What has 4 hairy legs and fucks my sister?
Me & my dad!
A child, molester, and priest walk into a bar.
He orders a drink.
What's the difference between Jedi and a rapist?
Nothing, they both use the Force to get what they want.
I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun, now it's an assault rifle.
If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.
Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.
Abortion isn't murder, it's more like backspacing a typo.
What's the difference between child abuse and abandonment?
The abused ones are forced to listen while being abused, while abandoned kids cry because they don't have parents anymore.
A white woman was caught on video using racial slurs and assaulting two black students. She was charged with "interpreting" a black police officer.
It's illegal to go onto someone's property, demand money that they might not have while wearing all black, and threaten horrible things if they don't pay.
But when the IRS does it, it's perfectly fine. HMMMMM . . .
What’s worse than banging your sister?
Having to wear your dad’s wedding ring.
What did the man who had sex with an Instagram model in the reverse cowgirl position while going 90 on the freeway get charged for?
Driving under the influencer.
A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.
First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.
I was looking at our Human Services Minister and thinking I'm surprised he's married.
The things you do for your cousins!
What's the hardest part of being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
Why should you always wear rubber?
So you don’t leave DNA evidence.
My friend got arrested for shooting an unarmed black teen.
He was charged for impersonating a police officer.
A boy asks his father:
"What is politics?"
Father answers:
"It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business. Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.
Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.
Our maid is the working class.
Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future."
The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.
Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.
The next day his father asks him:
"So, can you now explain to me what politics is?"
The boy says:
"Yes, it’s all become clear to me!
Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit."
What's the difference between Pink Floyd and George Floyd?
When Pink Floyd can't breathe, it's because all their fans are smoking pot.
A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."
The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."
