Laughter jokes
What does a cow sound like when in a horror house?
Moo mooo moooooooo (screaming)!
What did God say to the black person?
"Oops, I burned one."😳
Not racist, just funny.
Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?
It was having a mid-life crisis.
Mom: Can I tell you a joke?
Kid: Sure.
Mom: Knock knock.
Kid: Who's there?
Mom: Not yo.
Kid: Not yo who?
Mom: Not yo father.
Kid: Not yo husband either.
Wanna hear a joke?
My life.
Teacher: Kids, what are some things you have that make you happy? Kid 1: I have my family to make me happy. Kid 2: I have my friends to make me happy. Teacher: What about you, Sean? Sean: I have to take pills to make me happy...
I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
My girlfriend said onions were the only foods that make you cry.
Until I threw a watermelon in her face.
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
I saw a monkey yesterday, and thought it was you.
What game does an emo hate the most?
Life!
What is the best whey to make friends with an American boy, you bunch?
Ali from Kazakhstan, he got small forehead, all his friends laugh. They say, "Ali, your forehead so tiny, you need magnifying glass to see!" But Ali, he not care, he proud of his unique look. When he wear hat, it look like top of mountain, so funny, everyone laugh with him. Ali know small forehead no problem, it make him special, like rare gem!
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
Me telling a depression and suicide joke in front of my friends.
My friends: ........ Oh wait, I don't have any, so nothing to worry about here.
Friend 1: Eyyy gurl
Me: Hey! (Fake smile)
Friend 2: Hey g-guys what 'bout we play would you rather?
6 hours later
Friend 2: So (name) would u rather? 1. "Hang" out with me Or 2. "Jump" 1 times?
Me...e-eh?...Why not both????? We could just "Jump" while "Hanging" out right?
I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed and laughed, well, everyone except one.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream cone?
Because she got hit by a bus.
One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there.
Where are the others?
They're in his freezer.
Why did Stephanie fall off the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Not Stephanie!
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Yeah, he's all right now.