Laughter Jokes

69.

A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender could squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time, weight lifters, lumberjacks, men in the Army, and etc. But still, nobody could do it.

One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "okay," and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?" The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS."

"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."

What do 9/10 people enjoy?

Gang rape.

I dare you to smile like a donut. Did you do it?

I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.

A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."

What shoe shop would be a lesbian's best friend, decimen?

Knock knock. Who's there? Parents. Parents who? That's what an orphan would say.

What do you call an LGBTQ person getting grilled? LGBBQ.

I made it, DON'T COPY!!!

Jimmy does stand up comedy. He says, "What do you call an orangutan?"

Jake replies, "YOU!" Then everyone, including the teacher, laughs. Jimmy cries.

LOL

I was gonna say when you were born your mum saw you and screamed, but I remembered you were adopted...

Bro, I gotta tell you a joke.

Nevermind, it's too cheesy!

What’s the difference between a cow and Hitler jokes?

You can’t milk the cow after 12 years.

I just had the worst gig of my life! I told yo mama jokes at the orphanage.

POV: You're sitting here waiting for a good joke. I wait, unfulfilled.

Time flies by, doesn’t it?

But the plane in 9/11 didn’t.

What did the woman say when I told a rape joke?

"I don't get it."

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

My name is Ya.

Ya who?

Yahooooo!!!

You want to hear a rape joke? Yeah. Damn you ruined it.

Enough with the Hitler jokes. They make me Fuhrer-ious!