Last jokes
Shout out to johnny4488 for commenting on my last post!
Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?
A: "It's me, Luigi!"
Three friends go to a water park and meet a genie. "You each get one wish." "When you get to the top of the slide, you shall scream your wish as you go down." The first man went down the slide and screamed "Coca Cola," and the pool was filled with Coca-Cola.
The next ugly-ass looking mf goes down the slide and screams "C-M&Ms" as if he wasn’t just about to say cum—then the pool was full of cu—I mean M&Ms. The last horny-ass bitch is so excited he says "Weee!" Then the pool is full of piss. He was upset the pool wasn’t full of dildos./j
Why did the Orphan have imaginary parents?
Because his last parents existed.
A king ordered to execute a gay man.
The gay man came and said, "Please don't behead me, have pity!" The king replied, "I will have pity because I will impale you, let you enjoy your last moments."
My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"
Stephen Hawking died because he lost Wi-Fi connection.
Why can’t you tell JFK facts about Dallas?
Last time he was there, he got his mind blown.
I have to file a complaint against Spotify because I didn’t see you on my hot singles last week.
If I were to not eat the last biscuit, I would feel "crumby."
Mum finds out child cheats in math test.
Mom says, "There is no cheating in this house."
Child: "Then why did you cheat with my math teacher last night?"
When I got to you and I was android and we were all in Minecraft for the last two years and we had the same problem UI with you anymore but you can see it on Instagram that it is not a real time thing or a android.
Why does Japan not allow little boys to run?
Because the last time a little boy came, Japan lost a state.
Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing! Tomorrow I am going to Six Flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR. day! Woohooo!
Why do your orphans not drink beer?
Because last time they did, he went to suck some dudes' toes, then he tried to take him to his parents, but I guess that never happened.
Everything is now so expensive in Africa that witches don’t serve food in dreams again. Am I lying? Okay, when last did you eat in your dreams?
What were Princess Diana's last words?
Have you been Dri...?
I found Jeffrey Epstein’s diary the other day.
The last entry was about 12 years old.
My grandmother said goodnight...
She never said good morning.
Imagine if a disabled person's last name was Runner or Walker! 😬😂