Last jokes

"You gave me the same sweater as last year." "You s w e a t e r believe it."

Karien: Don't care. You know what you did.

Jalie: I don't know what you mean. I did nothing! I'm telling the truth!

Karien: Sure. So you mean you never texted Oerien last night around 2:00 AM?

Jalie: NO, I NEVER DID THAT!

Karien: Jalie, stop the story telling. You were the one who had my phone yesterday. Just stop.

What's the last thing to go through the minds of 9/11 victims?

Their kneecaps.

I can't remember the last full conversation I had with my grandfather.

Good thing is, since he hit his head, he can't remember either.

What did Pavol Demitra think before the Yaroslavl plane hit the ground?

"Oh shit, did I leave the stove on at home?"

I really like those "driverless cars." I saw loads of them last week in the car park.

An Asian gets a choice between his rice cooker or his son. He instantly picks the cooker and says, "He got a B+ in maths last week; he's a failure!"

My uncle died on 9/11. Her last words were "Allahu Akbar."

What were Paul Walker's last words?

Hey, that tree's growing!

My mom loves balls.

But my dad has been gone for the last 4 years.

Last night I burned down an orphanage.

There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"

A drunk guy is showing friends his new apartment.

The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.

"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him.

"It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock."

"How does it work?"

The guy picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, "For God's sake, you asshole, it's 3:30 in the god damn morning!"

A manager asked a black employee to work overtime. The employee initially agreed until he was told it would be without pay.

The employee responded with, "You know what happened last time my family worked for free?"

"What happened?" said the manager.

"A civil war."

Last night little Johnny went to his room and saw people hanging out there, little balls.

Did you know Princess Diana's last dress she wore was white? But afterwards, it was red.

I'll never forget my grandma's last words, "What are you doing in here with that hammer?"

What was Stephen Hawking's last message before he died: "Server shutting down."

My grandma just died from cancer.

My last words to her were “I like your cut, G.”

Last last, now everybody go chop breakfast.

I wonder if Kobe Bryant enjoyed his last flight.