I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.
Why are all Asians so skinny?
Because last time there was a fat man a whole population disappeared.
Your hair is so far back, you left it at your last address.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
I know what you did with your mom last night, the orphan. Nah, jit trippin', you thought I had one?
Why do black people only have nightmares?
Because the last one to have a dream got shot. (Martin Luther King joke)
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
Why don’t old people have sex?
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?
I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"
Roses are red, violets are blue, the last time people got depressed ended World War II.
My battery lasted longer than your sad, depressing life.
What were the Fortnite kid's last words? "I didn't know pumps are back in the game!"
Life is like a McDonald's meal; it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people.
Violets are blue, roses are red.
Last night your mom was giving me head.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
I am trying to re-comment something that used to be on here, but is no longer on here.
Here are some rules to make a good joke:
1: Don't say “my life.”
2: Proofread your joke and make sure people can read it/have good grammar in it.
3: And don’t repost things (although this last one is hypocritical because this was me trying to repost something, but it is still a good rule to go by).
What is the last thing that goes through a fly's head when it hits the windshield?
Its butt.
Your dick is so small it's the size of a tic tac. Oh, that's why your mom's breath was so fresh last night.
I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11...
Allahu Akbar!
Jesus and Moses come back to Earth.
Moses says, "Let's go down to the ocean and see if I can do what I used to when I was here before." So Moses raises his arms and motions to part the waters. Sure enough, he is able to part the waters just as before.
Jesus quips, "Close the water, I'm going to try to do what I used to when I was here last." So Jesus walks out on top of the water, then sinks to the bottom. He crawls out pulling seaweed off of him. Moses says, "Hey, it's not your fault, you didn't have those holes in your feet before."
