Last jokes

Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!

I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.

Why don’t old people have sex?

When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?

You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.

I don't like consistency. Last night, I spent three hours looking at a room and thinking, "I need a flower pot here, and the couch should be on the right." Eventually, the police arrived and led me away from my neighbor's window.

What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.

Your hair is so far back, you left it at your last address.

What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.

I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

I know what you did with your mom last night, the orphan. Nah, jit trippin', you thought I had one?

I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"

Roses are red, violets are blue, the last time people got depressed ended World War II.

My battery lasted longer than your sad, depressing life.

At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me.

On a related note, I suck at darts.

What were the Fortnite kid's last words? "I didn't know pumps are back in the game!"

Life is like a McDonald's meal; it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people.

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

I am trying to re-comment something that used to be on here, but is no longer on here.

Here are some rules to make a good joke:

1: Don't say “my life.”

2: Proofread your joke and make sure people can read it/have good grammar in it.

3: And don’t repost things (although this last one is hypocritical because this was me trying to repost something, but it is still a good rule to go by).

I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11...

Allahu Akbar!

What is the last thing that goes through a fly's head when it hits the windshield?

Its butt.