You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
I know what you did with your mom last night, the orphan. Nah, jit trippin', you thought I had one?
I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"
Your momma is so old she has been a waitress at the last supper.
Why do black people only have nightmares?
Because the last one to have a dream got shot. (Martin Luther King joke)
Violets are blue, roses are red.
Last night your mom was giving me head.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
My battery lasted longer than your sad, depressing life.
Roses are red, violets are blue, the last time people got depressed ended World War II.
What were the Fortnite kid's last words? "I didn't know pumps are back in the game!"
Life is like a McDonald's meal; it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people.
I am trying to re-comment something that used to be on here, but is no longer on here.
Here are some rules to make a good joke:
1: Don't say “my life.”
2: Proofread your joke and make sure people can read it/have good grammar in it.
3: And don’t repost things (although this last one is hypocritical because this was me trying to repost something, but it is still a good rule to go by).
What is the last thing that goes through a fly's head when it hits the windshield?
Its butt.
Your dick is so small it's the size of a tic tac. Oh, that's why your mom's breath was so fresh last night.
I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11...
Allahu Akbar!
Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!
Jesus and Moses come back to Earth.
Moses says, "Let's go down to the ocean and see if I can do what I used to when I was here before." So Moses raises his arms and motions to part the waters. Sure enough, he is able to part the waters just as before.
Jesus quips, "Close the water, I'm going to try to do what I used to when I was here last." So Jesus walks out on top of the water, then sinks to the bottom. He crawls out pulling seaweed off of him. Moses says, "Hey, it's not your fault, you didn't have those holes in your feet before."
There was a math teacher on a plane that crashed. What was the last thing that went through their head?
A pentagon!
(9/11 joke)
I went for my routine check up last week, and everything was going great until the doctor stuck her finger up my butt. Should I look for a new dentist?
So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says, "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says, "Cool, let me try!" and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says, "Superman, you're an asshole."
