Last Will Jokes

Imagine if a disabled person's last name was Runner or Walker! 😬😂

Once my twin brother died from a plane crash. His last words were, "If it's a bomb, I'll give it a 9/11."

Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?

Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”

My last best man's speech was like the marriage--short, occasionally funny, and ultimately ruined by the bridesmaid.

My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.

bruh

The image is a four-panel grid with the text "Laughing at corona memes like". The first panel has "February" underneath and shows a grinning Kanye. The second panel has "March 1" and Kanye has a smirk. The third panel says "Last week" and shows Kanye with a slight frown. The fourth panel shows the same frown but with the text "This morning". The last panel says "A little later this morning", where Kanye looks a little more concerned.

I have to file a complaint against Spotify because I didn’t see you on my hot singles last week.

Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.

I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."

I found Jeffrey Epstein’s diary the other day.

The last entry was about 12 years old.

I wonder if Kobe Bryant enjoyed his last flight.

Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.

Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.

One night a guy asked his wife where she wanted to eat. She said, "Chinese food," so he flew her to China. The next night, he asked her what she wanted to eat. She said, "Indian food," so he flew her to India. The last night, he said, "What do you want to eat?" and she said she wanted nothing, so he flew her to Africa.

Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.

I asked an angel, "How did I die?"

"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are robbing a bank. The police are soon after them, so they hide in a bunch of barrels.

The police arrive and search the area. They come over to the barrel where the brunette is hiding and kicks it. The brunette says, "Woof."

"Oh, it's just a dog," says the police officer, and then kicks the second barrel where the redhead is hidden. The redhead says, "Meow."

"Oh, it's just a cat," says the officer, then kicks the last barrel where the blonde is hidden. The blonde says, "Potato."

Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall, his mom did a terri-fried call.

He got hurt in a egg-cident, and it never got eggs-elent.

When the eggs-plant was over, he got told to use the mower.

It happened too fast, he watched the very last.

Next he died, eaten all fried.

Yo mama so short, when it rains she’s the last to know!

Little Johnny is walking around and peaks in his parents' room, catching them having sex, so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! We’re just uh, making cake,” and they send him away.

So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother’s room, so he walks in and catches his brother and his brother’s girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! We're making cake!”

So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! How'd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.