Last Will Jokes

As the Navy SEALs burst into Osama Bin Laden's room in his Pakistani compound, his last dying words forever rang in the ears of the SEALs...

"It was just a prank bro."

Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.

My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?

Their last big hit was the wall.

I have to file a complaint against Spotify because I didn’t see you on my hot singles last week.

Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.

I wonder if Kobe Bryant enjoyed his last flight.

My last best man's speech was like the marriage--short, occasionally funny, and ultimately ruined by the bridesmaid.

I was in a wheelchair for a few weeks last month.

I went through a super traumatic experience, and I *wheely* hope I made a good *roll* model!

Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing!

I will never forget my grandpa's last words:

"What the fuck is in this drink?"

Student: Why does everyone hate me?

Another student: Because U got the A last night.

Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?

Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.

Once my twin brother died from a plane crash. His last words were, "If it's a bomb, I'll give it a 9/11."

This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. My grandpa didn’t even survive one.

One night a guy asked his wife where she wanted to eat. She said, "Chinese food," so he flew her to China. The next night, he asked her what she wanted to eat. She said, "Indian food," so he flew her to India. The last night, he said, "What do you want to eat?" and she said she wanted nothing, so he flew her to Africa.

Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.

I asked an angel, "How did I die?"

"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are robbing a bank. The police are soon after them, so they hide in a bunch of barrels.

The police arrive and search the area. They come over to the barrel where the brunette is hiding and kicks it. The brunette says, "Woof."

"Oh, it's just a dog," says the police officer, and then kicks the second barrel where the redhead is hidden. The redhead says, "Meow."

"Oh, it's just a cat," says the officer, then kicks the last barrel where the blonde is hidden. The blonde says, "Potato."

Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall, his mom did a terri-fried call.

He got hurt in a egg-cident, and it never got eggs-elent.

When the eggs-plant was over, he got told to use the mower.

It happened too fast, he watched the very last.

Next he died, eaten all fried.

Yo mama's so short, when it rains, she's the last to know!