Last will jokes

I had a dream I was a muffler last night...

I woke up EXHAUSTED! 😂😃

Someone complimented me on my driving last week. They left a note saying, "Parking Fine!"

Friend A: "Why are you still a virgin, bro?"

Friend B: "I was until last night."

Friend A: "Nah, nah, who with?"

Friend B: "Your sister."

Friend A: "I don't have a sister."

Friend B: "Just wait 9 months, you'll see."

Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?

Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”

Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.

I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."

As the Navy SEALs burst into Osama Bin Laden's room in his Pakistani compound, his last dying words forever rang in the ears of the SEALs...

"It was just a prank bro."

Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.

My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?

Their last big hit was the wall.

I have to file a complaint against Spotify because I didn’t see you on my hot singles last week.

Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.

I wonder if Kobe Bryant enjoyed his last flight.

My last best man's speech was like the marriage--short, occasionally funny, and ultimately ruined by the bridesmaid.

I was in a wheelchair for a few weeks last month.

I went through a super traumatic experience, and I *wheely* hope I made a good *roll* model!

Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing!

I will never forget my grandpa's last words:

"What the fuck is in this drink?"

Student: Why does everyone hate me?

Another student: Because U got the A last night.

Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?

Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.

Once my twin brother died from a plane crash. His last words were, "If it's a bomb, I'll give it a 9/11."

Your mom has quite the mouth on her.

As I found out last night. Oh, what a night!! 😏 😉 😜