Last will jokes

Friend: Hey, did you catch that game last night? I did, it was so good! After that I went to Kane’s, because Kane's is amazing! What did you do this weekend? I did-

Me: Dude, are you the Terms and Conditions? Because I don’t give a fuck about what you say.

Wanna know the last words of the south tower?

"HAHA LOOK AT YOU! IMAGINE BEING HIT YOU L BOZO!"

Why can't black people have nightmares? Cause we shot the last one that had a dream.

This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.

What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.

My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither. It was evolution.

Last week, I made a joke about leftists. Now it is time for me to take shots at the right, and then I will move on to centrists. But I just said the same thing twice.

I can't remember the last full conversation I had with my grandfather.

Good thing is, since he hit his head, he can't remember either.

Ferb is older than Phineas because his last line.

Ferb: "I’m boutta blow this sh*t!"

A king ordered to execute a gay man.

The gay man came and said, "Please don't behead me, have pity!" The king replied, "I will have pity because I will impale you, let you enjoy your last moments."

"There is no way you can fit in there."

"Says who?"

"Your mom."

"When?"

"Last night."

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Cabbage.

Cabbage who?

Cabbage doesn’t have a last name.

Your hairline goes even further back than the last time your parents said "I love you."

The last time your hairline connected was when George Washington was born.

Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.

I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.

Mr. Beast challenge in Memphis be like: last one to survive the shooting wins 1 million dollars.

Last week I went on a whale watch.

After everyone had piled onto a boat, they loaded the boat onto a trailer and drove to your house.

You're so fat, you lasted a whole year on the cross just off of your fat.

Did you hear that oxygen and magnesium hooked up last night?

OMg!