Language jokes
How many balls do you have on your body?
2. Your butt.
Spell IHOP, then say "ness."
Do you know Candice?
"Candice balls" fit in yo mouth.
What's a dead person's favorite sentence?
"I made it."
What did the tiger say to the bunny?
Nice to meat you!
Me and Who?
How many letters are in the English Alphabet?
Twenty-two. ET went home, P ran down his leg, and he took ME with him.
I thought happiness started with an “H.” Why does my happiness start with “U”?
What starts with "N" and ends with "G"?
Nothing.
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.
So I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
When you think of the word "simp," you think of a girl. "Girl" stands for ghosts in real life. Another word for simp is "ding dong." Put them together, and you get ghosts in real life with ding dongs.
Why can't your nose be twelve inches?
Because then it would be a foot.
kapteyn = captain
Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy).
Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle).
Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what's the third son's name? A: David.
"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.
The general proofreading Hitler's speeches was the original Grammar Nazi.
Obese is the N-word for fat people.
I put the D in Children.
There are 3 things wrong with this world.
1. Spelling
2. Maths.
Seven days without a pun makes one weak.
What comes next in the pattern, ottffs?
S, because it represents numbers going up: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.