Language jokes
I put the D in Children.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
A girl tried 77.34 (77.34) times to think of a word opposite of BYE. Then her brother divided the word BYE. 77.34 divided by 100. TRY IT!!
Mia’s mother has 5 kids: Lilly, Abby, Alexa, Mila, and.... Q: Who is last? A: Mia.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Little old lady. Little old lady who? Little old lady, you don’t need to yodel about it!
Everyone says "no homo," why do gays not say "no hetero?"
Why don't people play hide-and-seek in the number 4?
Because it would take forever. Get it? "For-ever" and "4" four, so "four ever."
My name is Gunter.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Cow.
Cow who?
Cow don't go who, they go moo!
Do you know 6+3?
Other person: Nine.
Nein is no in German.
If a bike is also called a bicycle, then what is a test also called?
A tEsTiClE!
What's the difference between a bird and jam?
You can ham your cock in a bird, but you can't bird your cock in a jam.
Stranger: Knock knock.
Person: Who's there?
Stranger: Sugma.
Person: Sugma who?
Stranger: Sugma balls, kid!
What's tree plus tree? Sticks! (Three plus three equals six).
Why did Helen Keller fail school? She was bad at language.
What starts with "N" and ends with "G?"
Nothing.
I have a joke about paper. It's tearable.
The word "ginger" is just the n-word reorganized.
What did the man say to the deaf kid? He said...
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at a funeral.
A German priest went to America for a few months. Unfortunately for him, he did not speak the best English. He stayed with a beautiful, young single woman who worked at a nearby orphanage.
Every day, he visited her in the orphanage, and he always brought her small gifts, and of course to the young children.
The young woman thought the priest was flirting with him, and she knew he was not married. She left that thought in the back of her mind for a few weeks.
A few weeks later, she finally brought up her nerve to ask him. She asked him why he always visited her, and why all the gifts for her and the children.
Of course, due to his bad English, he struggled a bit with his sentence, but he said in his thick German accent, "Vell, I visit you and your, your littles, because the kind girls here are very beautiful and cute."
She was quite amused, and blushed a bit. The man was also a bit nervous, and appeared to want to leave her office.
The Priest then excused himself, and went to read the orphans a bedtime story.
He then muttered to himself, "Ach, she's catching on to me! Stupid! Zey are called little girls and boys, not child boys and girls."