Language jokes

A German priest went to America for a few months. Unfortunately for him, he did not speak the best English. He stayed with a beautiful, young single woman who worked at a nearby orphanage.

Every day, he visited her in the orphanage, and he always brought her small gifts, and of course to the young children.

The young woman thought the priest was flirting with him, and she knew he was not married. She left that thought in the back of her mind for a few weeks.

A few weeks later, she finally brought up her nerve to ask him. She asked him why he always visited her, and why all the gifts for her and the children.

Of course, due to his bad English, he struggled a bit with his sentence, but he said in his thick German accent, "Vell, I visit you and your, your littles, because the kind girls here are very beautiful and cute."

She was quite amused, and blushed a bit. The man was also a bit nervous, and appeared to want to leave her office.

The Priest then excused himself, and went to read the orphans a bedtime story.

He then muttered to himself, "Ach, she's catching on to me! Stupid! Zey are called little girls and boys, not child boys and girls."

I have a ton of work to do... A skele-TON.

When you see a deer, what do you say?

"Oh deer!"

Poop backwards is poop. 💩

*WARNING* THIS WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD - READ IF YOU DARE.....

What came first? The chicken or the egg?

Which came first? The color orange or the fruit?

Who taught the first ever teacher?

If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected expected?

If you describe something as 'indescribable', then haven't you already described it?

In the word 'scent', is the silent letter the 's' or the 'ce'?

Why do your lips touch when they say the word 'separate', but don't touch when you say the word 'together'?

How many photos do you think you could be in the background of?

The guy who discovered cow milk, what was he doing with that cow?

Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh no, it's a cop"?

Is it possible to cry underwater?

If two left handers have an argument, who is right?

I warned you!! You just didn't listen.... :O

Why did the farmer's wife chase the chickens out of the yard?

'Cause they were using fowl language!

Wanna hear a long joke?

JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKE!!!!!

Assalam alaikum, bitches.

What do you call a bee from America?

A USB.

English is weird. It can be understood through tough, thorough thought, though.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Water.

Water who?

Water you waiting for, just let me in!

Time flies like an arrow.

Fruit flies like a banana.

What time is it when you say "what?"

Time to start over!

What does a transgender call his/her parent?

Transparent.

What did the dentist say when he looks into a patient's mouth?

"I C D K"

You know what I see?

DICK

What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?

“To be or nut to be.”

Once at school, a teacher thought I was Russian. Why do you think that? I said. The teacher replied, because you're reading from Right to Left.

Roses are red, violets are violet. I mean, come on, it's literally in the name!

My sister keeps cursing... so I made fun of her... "fuk fuk fuk fuk fuk fuk fuk fuk", fowl language is for chickens!

The "f" on orphan stands for family.