The man was Indian. He moved to England because he wanted to learn, so got a job at the store. He learned how to say "register," then he was a business man. He learned how to say "59887," then "restaurant," so he learned how to say "fork and knives." So a man came with a knife. The cop came and asked the man which was the killer who killed him. He said, "Him," and pointed to the Indian man. The cop asked, "What did you use?" He said, "Register." The cop asked for ID. "59887." The cop asked, "Anything on you, forks and knife?" He said, "Me me me."
Max's joke is literally a joke.
Q: What did Tim say when his girlfriend fell down a rabbit hole?
A: Hole-y shit!
What is the reason for the first time since I've seen a lot to be desired in the morning? To you, eat ass...
Son: Daddy?
Dad: Why tf do you keep calling me daddy? You're 11 years old, feminine gay hoe.
Son: Whoa!? Daddy, what's that?
Dad: Wtf are you talking about?
Son: Your dick has gotten more tastier?
Son: Ooh... I..... Just.... Wanna.... Sssuuc
Dad: Oh nope, I'm not having a gay hoe's fiend in my house, no quit looking at my dick, you need some pussy.
Son: eeeeeewwwwwwwwwww nooooo plz no plz
Dad: Shut the fuck up: ehr em
Mom: What the fugde is going on?
Dad: Our son's a gay bitch.
Mom: Language! So? I need to teach him how to like a girl huh?
Dad: Yes Ma'am, plz.
Mom: Okay. Herman, get your gay ass in my bed but naked, I'll be there in 10.
Son: wha whey huh ur gonna... wtf?!?!?!??
Mom: Quit cursing, I'm gonna fuck u extra hard!!
Son: Ewww, I'm gonna fuck my mom even though she is hot sexy but eeewwww.
Mom: Shut it!!!, or I'm gonna recordid and *fliped her hair taking off her panies (pussy naked)* and show this to ur gay fuck friends!
Son: Huh
Son: Mom FUCK U*
Mom: Okay baby I'm gonna fuck u in a minute lemme tak my bra off
Son: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH
Son: Moms are the worst, are they?
Me no there not sometimes but i love them teheheteheh
Prank phone calls. I did this prank last week. I picked the not so big businesses and places to do prank phone calls: Burger King, JCPenney's, and neighbors. I will tell you what I said.
Me: "Hello, this is... Zariana and I am from New York." Burger King staff: "Well we work in Florida." Me: "Good, now I want a large cake with some salad... with some eggnog... and some baby food." Burger King: "We don't serve any of that, ma'am." Me: "And I want it to go, please!" Burger King staff: "Sorry ma'am, we don't ha-" And I hung up on him right before he could say "have." Now JCPenney's ordering.
Me: "Hello, this is Trina from South Carolina." JCPenney's register: "Yes, what can I do for you, ma'am?" Me: "Excuse me?" JCPenney's register: "I was asking if there is anything you need help with, ma'am." Me: "Sorry, I can't hear you... what!" JCPenney's register: "WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO ORDER, MA'AM?" Me: "I still can't hear you! Say that again!!!" JCPenney's register: "Ma'am, can you hear correctly?" Me: "YES, I CAN... NOW YOUR GOING TO BODY SHAME THEN I WILL GIVE YOU A 1 STAR RATTING!!!!!!" JCPenney's register: "No ma'am, I was just saying tha-" Hung up.
Next one was on my neighbors, Mrs. Jarkinson. Me: "Hello, sorry to bother you, but do you know what this word means: fhermkrekm?" Mrs. Jarkinson: "What, who is this?" Me: "Ummm... Mrs. Keris!" Mrs. Jarkinson: "So what does what word mean again?" Me: "fnjfnjrfnjr!" Mrs. Jarkinson: "What!!!" Me: "fnjefnj" Mrs. Jarkinson: SO SORRY WHAT!!!!!!! Me: "Never mind!" Hehehe! Hung up on her now Mr. Morris.
Me: "Hola Sr. Morris, que pasa?" Mr. Morris: "Sorry, what, I don't speak Spanish!" Me: "Está bien ... di que no me hagas caso, ¡solo necesito ayuda!" Btw I used a translator app and I learned really quickly! Mr. Morris: "What does that even mean!" Me: "Sí señor, veo dónde está su cabeza, pero ¿cómo se hace algún libro? ¿Me parece muy difícil? Jejejeje!" Mr. Morris: WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN THOUGH!!! Me: "No señor, no se rinda en el primer intento de ballet! Debería ser fácil ... di de qué te quejas? Oh sorry I have to go!" Mr. Morris: "Wait, but what does tha-"
I bet you're wondering how I got these phone calls remembered, well I recorded them! I don't know how but I did. Btw not Spanish just learned really quickly.
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.
If the longest word in history is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, then it's big cousin would [be] something longer, right?
Nope, something way longer:
BEHO-methionylthreonylthreonylglutaminylalanylprolylthreonylphenylalanylthreonylglutaminylprolylleucylglutaminylserylvalylvalylvalylleucylglutamylglycylserylthreonylalanylthreonylphenylalanylglutamylalanylhistidylisoleucylserylglycylphenylalanylprolylvalylprolylglutamylvalylseryltryptophylphenylalanylarginylaspartylglycylglutaminylvalylisoleucylserylthreonylserylthreonylleucylprolylglycylvalylglutaminylisoleucylserylphenylalanylserylaspartylglycylarginylalanyllysylleucylthreonylisoleucylprolylalanylvalylthreonyllysylalanylasparaginylserylglycylarginyltyrosylserylleucyllysylalanylthreonylasparaginylglycylserylglycylglutaminylalanylthreonylserylthreonylalanylglutamylleucylleucylvalyllysylalanylglutamylthreonylalanylprolylprolylasparaginylphenylalanylvalylglutaminylarginylleucylglutaminylserylmethionylthreonylvalylarginylglutaminylglycylserylglutaminylvalylarginylleucylglutaminylvalylarginylvalylthreonylglycylisoleucylprolylasparaginylprolylvalylvalyllysylphenylalanyltyrosylarginylaspartylglycylalanylglutamylisoleucylglutaminylserylserylleucylaspartylphenylalanylglutaminylisoleucylserylglutaminylglutamylglycylaspartylleucyltyrosylserylleucylleucylisoleucylalanylglutamylalanyltyrosylprolylglutamylaspartylserylglycylthreonyltyrosylserylvalylasparaginylalanylthreonylasparaginylserylvalylglycylarginylalanylthreonylserylthreonylalanylglutamylleucylleucylvalylglutaminylglycylglutamylglutamylglutamylvalylprolylalanyllysyllysylthreonyllysylthreonylisoleucylvalylserylthreonylalanylglutaminylisoleucylserylglutamylserylarginylglutaminylthreonylarginylisoleucylglutamyllysyllysylisoleucylglutamylalanylhistidylphenylalanylaspartylalanylarginylserylisoleucylalanylthreonylvalylglutamylmethionylvalylisoleucylaspartylglycylalanylalanylglycylglutaminylglutaminylleucylprolylhistidyllysylthreonylprolylprolylarginylisoleucylprolylprolyllysylprolyllysylserylarginylserylprolylthreonylprolylprolylserylisoleucylalanylalanyllysylalanylglutaminylleucylalanylarginylglutaminylglutaminylserylprolylserylprolylisoleucylarginylhistidylserylprolylserylprolylvalylarginylhistidylvalylarginylalanylprolylthreonylprolylserylprolylvalylarginylserylvalylserylprolylalanylalanylarginylisoleucylserylthreonylserylprolylisoleucylarginylserylvalylarginylserylprolylleucylleucylmethionylarginyllysylthreonylglutaminylalanylserylthreonylvalylalanylthreonylglycylprolylglutamylvalylprolylprolylprolyltryptophyllysylglutaminylglutamylglycyltyrosylvalylalanylserylserylserylglutamylalanylglutamylmethionylarginylglutamylthreonylthreonylleucylthreonylthreonylserylthreonylglutaminylisoleucylarginylthreonylglutamylglutamylarginyltryptophylglutamylglycylarginyltyrosylglycylvalylglutaminylglutamylglutaminylvalylthreonylisoleucylserylglycylalanylalanylglycylalanylalanylalanylserylvalylserylalanylserylalanylseryltyrosylalanylalanylglutamylalanylvalylalanylthreonylglycylalanyllysylglutamylvalyllysylglutaminylaspartylalanylaspartyllysylserylalanylalanylvalylalanylthreonylvalylvalylalanylalanylvalylaspartylmethionylalanylarginylvalylarginylglutamylprolylvalylisoleucylserylalanylvalylglutamylglutaminylthreonylalanylglutaminylarginylthreonylthreonylthreonylthreonylalanylvalylhistidylisoleucylglutaminylprolylalanylglutaminylglutamylglutaminylvalylarginyllysylglutamylalanylglutamyllysylthreonylalanylvalylthreonyllysylvalylvalylvalylalanylalanylaspartyllysylalanyllysylglutamylglutaminylglutamylleucyllysylserylarginylthreonyllysylglutamylisoleucylisoleucylthreonylthreonyllysylglutaminylglutamylglutaminylmethionylhistidylvalylthreonylhistidylglutamylglutaminylisoleucylarginyllysylglutamylthreonylglutamyllysylthreonylphenylalanylvalylprolyllysylvalylvalylisoleucylserylalanylalanyllysylalanyllysylglutamylglutaminylglutamylthreonylarginylisoleucylserylglutamylglutamylisoleucylthreonyllysyllysylglutaminyllysylglutaminylvalylthreonylglutaminylglutamylalanylisoleucylmethionyllysylglutamylthreonylarginyllysylthreonylvalylvalylprolyllysylvalylisoleucylvalylalanylthreonylprolyllysylvalyllysylglutamylglutaminylaspartylleucylvalylserylarginylglycylarginylglutamylglycylisoleucylthreonylthreonyllysylarginylglutamylglutaminylvalylglutaminylisoleucylthreonylglutaminylglutamyllysylmethionylarginyllysylglutamylalanylglutamyllysylthreon
