Language jokes
One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.
Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"
What do you call a Mexican door?
Dora.
In kindergarten, we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words.
Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit."
The is the no the yes yes the no the.
Balls.
What do you call a questioning Constanta?
Curious George.
How do you say “Yes, you look good” in Spanish?
– Sí...
See deez nuts!
Can you really wheel my real wheelchair?
Try saying that over and over fast. Bit of a tongue twister.
GOTTVERDAMMT, Hans! I said, "Glass of juice," not "Gas the Jews!"
The smartest kid in my class says "is-land" instead of "island."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
WHO'S THERE?
*Starts putting up hand signs.*
You soak balls, get it?
Why’s BBC called BBC?
The dude’s shlong gets bigger every time he says n-
I entered ten puns in a joke contest to see which one would win.
No pun in ten did.
"You the bomb!" No, "you the bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in Afghanistan.
I’d tell you a Chinese joke, but it’s wong.
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Who."
"Who who?"
"Why are you who-ing like an owl?"
Why did Helen Keller fail school? She was bad at language.
It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.
A dog walked into a tavern and said, “I can’t see a thing. I’ll open this one.” The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.
Do you know Wildee?
What's that?
Will deez nuts fit into your mouth?