Fuck off!
Back in Australia, my puns are high koala-tea!
I was talking to my Welsh friend the other day, and he suddenly started talking Welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Daisy. Daisy who? Daisy me rollin', they hatin'!
What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
Grammar: It's the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.
Two cats called "1,2,3" & "un, deux, trois" had a swimming race across the channel.
1,2,3 cat won because un, deux, trois cat sank!
What do you call a blind German?
A not see.
I invented a new word today.
Plagiarism.
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That's a big word for a seven year old.
I can't handle these puns...
But I can HAND you some puns!
Budum tiss!
When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree.
What's the difference between light and hard?
It's easy to get to sleep with a light on.
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg?
Eileen.
What do you call a Chinese billionaire?
Cha Ching.
What do you call a dead fly? -- A flew.
Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tail.
What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
