Language jokes
Me: Knock, knock.
Other person: Who’s there?
Me: Atch.
Other person: Atch who?
Me: Bless you!
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Nothing, because fish can't talk.
What do you call a person with no body or a nose?
Nobody knows.
The teacher was terrified to hear Little Johnny swear.
“I never want you to use language like that again. Where on earth did you pick it up?”
“From my father,” said Johnny.
“Well, he should be ashamed of himself. And it’s no reason for you to talk like that. You don’t even know what it means.”
“I do,” said Johnny. “It means the car won’t start.”
Little Johnny was overheard by his mother reciting his homework, “Two plus two, the son of a b*tch is four; four plus four, the son of a b*tch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a b*tch...;” “Johnny!” shouted his mother. “Stop swearing!” “But mom!” Little Johnny protested, “That’s what the teacher taught us! And she said we should recite it till we learned it!”
The next day his mother went to the teacher to complain. “No, no,” said the teacher, terrified. “That’s not what I taught them. They’re supposed to say: ‘Two plus two, the sum of which is four.’”
What do we find at the end of every rainbow?
The letter W.
If you're American when you go in the bathroom and you're American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European.
How to harass? Say it out loud but slowly. Split that word into, and it sounds like "her ass."
My friend entered a pun contest. He entered ten, figuring at least one of them would win, but no pun in ten did.
Say "invented" without the first "n".
How many beans are there in Irish chili?
Answer: 239
Why are there two hundred and thirty-nine?
Answer: (spoken in Irish Brogues) Because if you add one more, it'd be "two farty."
Why did the 2 4s skip lunch? They already 8! Jahshshs.
And how did the pirate know that she saw land? She was shore of it! If u get it leave a like. Hahahahaha and which thing was heavier, a feather or steal? It's they way the same amount 🤣 😂 😅 😆 🙃 😄 🤣 😂 😅 😆 🙃 😄 🤣 😂 😅 😆 Lol like
What is a gay person’s favorite book?
The dictionary.
What do you call a Spanish toilet?
Elton John.
What do you call a dead polar bear?
Anything, they can't hear you!
Knock Knock! Who's there? Candace Candace who? Can deez nuts fit in your mouth?
Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"?
What language do billboards speak?
Sign language.
What do you call an idiot?
An absolute imbecile.
What do you call 2 wings and a halo?
A Chinese phone call: "Wing wing halo!" 🤪