Today there was a line to punch me.
Yeah, that was the punch line.
Language Jokes
My three favorite things are eating my family, and not using commas.
For some reason, people make fun of my name because it rhymes with something that starts with an F.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Abby.
Abby who?
Abby C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z.
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
No, “to whom.”
Spell "I cup." It's funny.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Owl.
Owl who?
Who? Are you meant to ask "who?"
What's the smartest insect? A spelling bee!
You wanna hear an Indian egg joke? (yeah-)
Never mind. You won't understand.
Replace the v in Venus with a p.
What do you call a cute door?
Adorable.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Spell.
Spell who?
W. H. O.
Me: Knock, knock.
Other person: Who’s there?
Me: Atch.
Other person: Atch who?
Me: Bless you!
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Nothing, because fish can't talk.
What do you call a person with no body or a nose?
Nobody knows.
The teacher was terrified to hear Little Johnny swear.
“I never want you to use language like that again. Where on earth did you pick it up?”
“From my father,” said Johnny.
“Well, he should be ashamed of himself. And it’s no reason for you to talk like that. You don’t even know what it means.”
“I do,” said Johnny. “It means the car won’t start.”
Little Johnny was overheard by his mother reciting his homework, “Two plus two, the son of a b*tch is four; four plus four, the son of a b*tch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a b*tch...;” “Johnny!” shouted his mother. “Stop swearing!” “But mom!” Little Johnny protested, “That’s what the teacher taught us! And she said we should recite it till we learned it!”
The next day his mother went to the teacher to complain. “No, no,” said the teacher, terrified. “That’s not what I taught them. They’re supposed to say: ‘Two plus two, the sum of which is four.’”
What do we find at the end of every rainbow?
The letter W.
If you're American when you go in the bathroom and you're American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European.
How to harass? Say it out loud but slowly. Split that word into, and it sounds like "her ass."
