Language jokes
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:
Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.
What do you call Nicholas and Dillon/Dennis?
GAY
No one wanted to hear my ocean puns, they said they were too fishy.
What do you call a bulldog and a shih tzu? A bullshit.
Knock knock. Who's there? Ieatmop. I eat mop who? Eww, you eat your poo?
I wrote "my pen is big," but forgot to space "pen is."
Where do you get 30% of your agua? From AGUAfers.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Nobody. Nobody who? (HAHAHAHAHAHA)
Why was 4 not impressed when 5 won a prize for 6?
Because 511472.
Alle Kinder heißen Rune, außer einer: Fisse.
Alle Kinder heißen Rune, außer einer Pussy.
A woman ran into a police station screaming, "Help, I have been graped!" The policeman said, "Do you mean raped?" The woman said, "No, there was a bunch of them!"
Shyneyngsngneg sngengenetntwnga giulgekgengjsg genegngmtentwnnwgbgw.
Are guys scared of the word "Choppiness"?
Because it is literally saying "chop-penis."
Knock knock.
Who is there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go moooooooooooo, not whooooooooooooooooooooo!
What do French ducks say?
Quoi quoi.
I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.
The past, the present, and the future were having an argument. It was tense.