Know jokes
Did you know I'm a really fast reader?
I can go through a few stories in just a few seconds!
I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away!
I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.
He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.
Has anybody noticed that the New York City football team is the New York Jets? They sure know how to scare the Twin Towers.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, grabbed her thigh, and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a daughter.
Haha, I fucked you over!
I know this place may be cruel, but hang in there!
You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.
How do you know it’s a gay guy’s birthday?
Depends how hard they blow out the candles.
Man: Cow milk is drinkable.
Other man: How do you know that?
Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*
Other man: John...h-how do you know that!
Know what a 6.9 is?
Another good thing screwed up by a period.
Why does Batman cover half of his face? To let the police know that he's white.
Bestfriend @3am: I love you.
Me: Love you too.
*wait whatttttttttttttttttttt*
I don't know if this is funny.
Why can't orphans play basketball?
They don't know where home is.
I know the voices in my head aren't real, but man, do they have some good ideas.
I work as an IT technician. The other day, I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying, “Do you consent to cookies?” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means, so that’s why he called me.
I know what you did with your mom last night, the orphan. Nah, jit trippin', you thought I had one?
What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet...
What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))
A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."
The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."
"Thanks Dad," the son says.
The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."
Why don’t orphans know how to use a phone?
Because they don’t know where home is.
How do you know if spaghetti is a boy or a girl? It's meatballs.