Know jokes
Do you know Candice?
Nope.
Candice dick fit in your mouth.
Do you know Imagine Dragons? Imagine dragon these nuts across your face!
Well, you know what they say about cliffhangers...
How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?
When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.
Why did the orphan commit crimes? To know what it's like to be wanted.
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because he knows he isn't allowed to come in the back door.
Did you know that McDonald's made a Michael Jackson burger?
It’s a 50-year-old piece of meat in a 12-year-old bun.
Did you know that a majority of the U.S. is afraid of the dark?
Especially if they are right behind you at the ATM.
Wanna know why I don’t make suicidal jokes?
Because I am one.
Why are Orphans so bad at poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.
Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.
What is the most famous dish in Africa?
Don't know, they haven't tried it yet.
You know I used to call my dogs' balls the Twin Towers, until they came rumbling down.
A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.
The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."
The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."
A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.
"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"
"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."
I regret my abortion.
I didn’t know child labor was an option.
Do y'all know the saying "Hang in there?" Well, fuck that, because I might as well be hanging myself.
I was walking by the gun shop earlier and saw everything was 40% off. I didn't know back to school sales were already starting.
Did you know there are black holes billions of years old?
What’s more amazing is the black holes Stephen Hawking studied. We're only 14 years old.