Kitchen jokes
How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.
I believe in a woman's right to choose...
...whether she wants to cook first and then clean or clean first and then cook.
What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler?
“Oh my god, put them back in the damn ovens! They’re so under-cooked they’re writing fucking diaries!”
English: It's the story of two potatoes, one gets mashed and the other screams “Oh mash!”
French: C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre. Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie “Oh purée!”
Did you hear about the new German microwave? It has ten seats in it.
wo(man) fe(male) we(men)
dishwash(her)
What is purple, small, and rinsed off in a drainer?
A bunch of grapes! 🍇
Are you my pantry? Because you look like a snack ;)
What is the difference between a woman and my fridge?
Only one moans when I put my meat in it.
Did you hear the gossip about butter? Never mind, I butter not spread it...
How do you know a woman is blind?
Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.
I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.
All I said was, "Hurry up, some of us got homes to go to..."
Orphans bake bread with what kind of flour?
Self-raising.
Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."
Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."
Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."
My last thought: Am I a murderer?
A blond and her brunette friend were chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her.
To not be outdone, the blond retorts:
"That's nothing! Once we were in the kitchen, I can't believe I didn't see it coming. One minute I turned, and he just got it all on my face! It was so thick and hard! It covered my mouth, my nose, my shoulders, and eyes. It even got in my hair, and when I looked up at him, all he could say was, 'Whoops! The flower went everywhere!'"
Say "toast" three times. Spell "toast" three times. What do you put in a toaster? The answer?
Josh: What’s the useless piece of skin around the vagina called?
Daniel: Isn’t it the women?
Josh: Oh yes, that’s right.
What did the chef on the Titanic scream as he tried to finish the dishes? "Oh no, the sink sank!"
Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Man, it's hot in here!"
The other muffin says, "OH MY GOSH A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"
Ariana Grande agrees with me on something: women belong in the kitchen and bedroom.