Kitchen Jokes

are you my pantry bc u look like a snack ;)

Orphans bake bread with what kind of flour?

Self-Raising

what is the difference between a woman and my fridge.

only one moans when i put my meat in it

I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.

All I said was, hurry up, some of us got homes to go to...

grandfathers last words :Stop shaking the ladder you cunt Grandmother last words : you know how to use that hammer Dads last words : Always aim before you shoot that gun Moms last words :Turn of the stove when you're done My last thought : am I a murder

A Blond and her Brunette friend where chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her. To not be outdone the blond retort's. Thats nothing once we we're in the kitchen I can't believe I didn't see it coming one minute I turned and He just got it all on my face it was so thick and hard! it covered my mouth, my nose,my shoulders, and eyes it even got in my hair; and when i looked up at him all he could say was whoops the Flower went everywhere!

Say toast 3 times. Spell toast 3 times. What do you put in a toaster. What is the answer.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

What did the chef on the titanic scream as he tried to finish the dishes- "oh no the sink sank!"

Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Man, it's hot in here". The other muffin says, "OH MY GOSH A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"

Ariana Grande agrees with me on something: women belong in the kitchen and bedroom.

What's the difference between a gay and a freezer? -- The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

What's red and bubbly and scratches at the microwave glass? A baby in the microwave

What is the best way to end a cook book?

And that’s a wrap

Yesterday I made food using oil- Olive oil (I love oil)

My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board

“No I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken”.

What’s the difference between a puppy and a fork?

I don’t microwave forks

Husband: Dammit alice! I'm your husband and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you! Wife: Go to hell Bob! I'm Leaving! Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.

2 women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement. Emma turns to Jane and says "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"

Jane replies with "I burnt to death."

Emma, shocked, responds with "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"

Jane answers with "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"r> Emma replies with "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."

Jane retorts with "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."