Kitchen Jokes

I like my bread how I like my wife: cold and stiff

My wife left a note on the fridge, the note read "It's not working" I don't know what she's talking about, I opened the fridge and it worked fine!

What is the difference between a gay person and a refrigerator?

The refrigerator doesn’t start moaning and groaning when you try to put the meat in.

I bought a Dalek egg timer recently...I bought a Dalek egg timer recently... After a few minutes, it shouts, "Eggs terminate!

Are you a toaster,

Because I want to have a bath with you.

It was 7:00am when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep, he got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat, "What would you like for breakfast?" Billy's mom asked politely, Billy replied with "whatever dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!"

Why are all women's feet small? So they can stand closer to the stove

i went down to my frigde to grab my dinner i said to the children whose next?

What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain. What do you call a pile of cheese? A cheese grater.

how do you know when your vegetables are completely cooked?

the wheel chair rises to the top

What did the salad say to the chef? LETTUCE GO!!!

I was crying while my dad was cutting onions I the kitchen onions was such a good dog.

Little Johnny was in kindergarten and his teacher said, "okay everyone, Tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet". Johnny didn't know the alphabet so he decided to ask his family. He walked in the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, "Mamma, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" His mom doesn't notice him standing there and says, "If you don't shut the fuck up right now-" So he goes to find his brother watching TV and he says, "Tommy what's the Second letter of the alphabet?" His brother doesn't notice him and says, "I'm Batman". So He went to his Grandma who was knitting and says, "Grandma what's the third letter of the Alphabet?" The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!" Satisfied with the answers given to him he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher come to Johnny she says, "Johnny what are the first three letters of the alphabet?" "If you don't shut the fuck up right now" - Johnny "Who do you think you are young man to talk to someone like me that way?" - teacher "I'm Batman" - Johnny The teacher whups his ass and little johnny says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!"

Later that day he understands what happened and can't tell which was worse that he accidentally cussed to his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.