Want to know how you make any salad into a ceasar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.
"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."
Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!
Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!
Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.
What do you call a pile of cheese? A cheese grater.
I want a bigger couch.
Why? You're going to be in the kitchen most of the time anyway.
Whatâs the difference between someoneâs wife and a plate?
They both have to stay in the kitchen.
What's common between a feminist and a knife?
They both stay in the kitchen.
Orphans bake bread with what kind of flour?
Self-raising.
How did a man know his wife died?
Dishis start piling up.
What do you call an emo with no breasts? A cutting board.
What is the difference between a gay person and a refrigerator?
The refrigerator doesnât start moaning and groaning when you try to put the meat in.
Whatâs the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
The refrigerator wonât fart when you pull the meat out.
I know an orphan named Zara, and he has never had homemade food.
Hey Siri, where is my dad?
Your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.
HAH, jokes on you! My dadâs in the kitchen!
Your momâs husband is in the kitchen, your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.
...WhAT-
Q: What do you call a girl walking down a street?
A: Lost, she's supposed to be in the kitchen.
1 like = 1 fetus donated to the soup kitchen.
How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?
Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.
1 like = 1 more child in my fryer.
My mom asks, "How did you do this?" Me: "Naw, I did it with a fork. WHAT D'YA THINK?-"
