Kitchen Jokes

2 women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement. Emma turns to Jane and says "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"

Jane replies with "I burnt to death."

Emma, shocked, responds with "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"

Jane answers with "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"r> Emma replies with "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."

Jane retorts with "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, “No honey for you for one month!” Later that afternoon, Johnny’s dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. “That’s it! No butter for you for one month!” says his dad. Later that evening as Johnny’s mother cooks dinner, a cockroach runs across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, “Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?”

i got a bowl of a rice that ur formed like and icecube

Ariana Grande agrees with me on something: women belong in the kitchen and bedroom.

Women should be allowed to choose: dishes or cooking first

Why is Vegetable soup hard to cook! Because you can’t fit the Wheelchair in

Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?

A: You slap her.

Chef: “How did you enjoy your steak, sir?” Customer: “I asked for it medium rare, but it’s well done!” Chef: “Why thank you.” Customer: “You don’t understand, the steak is well done!” Chef: “Of course it is, I made it.”

My grandma said, hey you want a butter finger cause I do. Me:grandpas in the kitchen if you want a finger.

I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful

"what's that on your wrist?"

"I'm a cutting board. duh"

what is the difference between a woman and my fridge.

only one moans when i put my meat in it

Where do feminists go when they die "hell's kitchen"

One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.

She asked me, "What are you doing?"

I replied "I'm making a pink yeti."

She asked "What does that mean?"

I said "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."

i was going to make alligator last night but i noticed i only have a crockpot🤣

I put the tin foil in the microwave ma

I believe in a woman's right to choose...

...whether she wants to cook first and then clean or clean first and then cook.

i went to the store because i ha to go to school to run up downstairs because my phone started calling me because i was playing mario kart on my kitchen sink's baby grandma lik if yu creyre everitime

Heyyy I just found out my toaster is waterproof:D

What happens when an orphan is told that someone had found their parents? They cry... They scream.. with joy "Oh wait, no, that wasn't your parents" Orphan grabs a knife out of the kitchen, lets just say, the orphan didnt live to tell the tail...