Kid

Kid jokes

Basement

    • Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!

    Officer: You OK, kid?

    Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.

    Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*

    When officer leaves:

    Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?

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    • Van

    • Why did the kid go in the guy's van?

    Answer: He thought he was being adopted.

    Night

    • One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.

    She asked me, "What are you doing?"

    I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."

    She asked, "What does that mean?"

    I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."

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    • Uranus

    • Teacher: What’s the closest planet?

    Kids yell: Sun.

    Except for one.

    Other kid: Uranus.

    Teacher: Uranus?

    Other kid: Yeah, it’s right there.

    Name

    • My name is Devonair.

    When I get a haircut, it's always bald.

    Kids make fun of me, they call me "dang-near bald head."

    My name is Devonair *dev-on-near*

    I always thought they were making fun of me because of my name pronounced near.

    Kid memes

    Road

    • Why did the autistic kid walk across a busy road?

    He was chasing his mind and got hit by a car.

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    • Peter Pan

    • Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!

    Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.

    Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”

    How do trees access the internet? They log in.

    Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.

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    • Paper

    • Why does the paper follow up with wine because it was junk? Do wrong, so wrong that you don’t even exist because nobody even eats it. Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Haha ha ha! Haha ha haha ha ha! Ha hah hah hah ha!

    Helicopter

    • There were four people in a helicopter: Trump, a first-grade kid, a schoolteacher, and the Chinese leader.

    There were only three parachutes. The Chinese leader takes one and jumps. The schoolteacher says she has to teach, so she jumps. Trump and the first-grader are left. Trump says, "I've lived my life; you take the last one." So the kid puts on his backpack and jumps. Trump makes it out safe.

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    • Gas

    • This guy went to the gas station to get some gas, and as he asked the cashier for gas he noticed a terrible smell. He asked what the smell was and the cashier replied, "That's your gas, cuz I farted. Now hand me the 20 bucks!"

    The guy said, "No, not the kind that comes from your ass, but the kind you put in a car!" The cashier says, "That fart was worth 20 bucks, so beat it!"

    Guy says, "I need real gas, nothing about your ass impresses me!" Then another guy gets in line and says, "I know the guy personally, we grew up together. Always trying to be the cool kid in school, bragging about his big horse's ass...no wonder he was always the *butt* of all jokes!"

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    • Dad

    • The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."

    "Who's there?"

    "Not your dad."

    Then he says, "What comes after 47?"

    The quiet kid says, "AK."

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