Kid jokes

What is similar between a ton of kids and some boxes?

Both of those are commonly found in basements.

It’s Christmas and Sally has a gift. She got a Barrie. Just kidding, she still hasn’t opened it.

What does gum in my d*ck have in common?

Both get chewed on by little kids.

Why do most clips for automatic weapons have 32 bullets?

That's usually how many kids are in a classroom.

I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"

What do you call an autistic kid with a rocket ship? A cocker.

When the emo kid is about to hang himself in the school bathroom, and the autistic kid starts swinging the rope like Indiana Jones!

I'd like to have kids one day.

I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.

Get off of here, kids!

When a kindergarten teacher asks a kid to sing the alphabet, he said "ab3defg." The teacher said, "Do you like 3D?" He said, "Yeah." The teacher yelled, "Okay, do you have a 3DS?" He said yes. The teacher goes into his bag and says, "Say ABCs or your 3DS will be destroyed." He says, "ab3defghijlmnopqrs." "Oh, he learned well." The teacher threw the 3DS out the window. The kid gets it, and it still works. Then he googles ABCs. It goes to YouTube and says, "abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz." The teacher is proud of the 3DS. The class went home telling parents.

Why did Oliver have no friends?

His last name was Clothesoff, and all the other kids would get in trouble whenever they would ask to play with Oliver Clothesoff.

What's big, bounces, and makes little kids cry?

My donation to the orphanage :)

Kid at school tells an orphan, "I fucked your mom."

Orphan: "What's a mom?"

What famous book writer for kids loved insects?

Beatrix Potter.

When you get suspended from school for giving the deaf kid AirPods for his birthday.

Kid: I don't want to go to the movies.

Mom: Shut your mouth and clean my room!

What do you call a kid having a seizure on a dance floor? An improvement.

A pedophile is sitting at an empty poker table. An eight-year-old kid asked him if he could sit down. The pedophile says to the child, "Sure, let's play."

My brother eats water from the pig factory at 1:00 a.m., and blames a deaf kid, so he ended up going to solitary.

Why don’t I shut myself all the time?

I can only fit so many pairs of kids in my mouth and stomach at the same time.