Kid jokes

I told my friend that we should dress up as P. Diddy and Drake for Halloween and ask parents if their kid wants to come over for a sleepover.

I think my family is racist.

I brought a black girl home, and my wife went crazy and told me to pack my bags, and my kids were upset.

When you were supposed to help the depressed kid, but not "help" the depressed kid.

What do I call a white person with 15 black kids?

Coach.

What is a dead kid's favorite anime? Bleach.

A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.

The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"

This one kid I knew had Down syndrome, and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.

Nobody:

Michael Jackson: giving kids a free cream pie.

How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.

Poor kids in American schools, they want books, but all they get are magazines.

- Yo mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow dress, people yell "Taxi!"

- Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.

- Yo mama is so ugly, she made a blind kid cry.

- Yo mama is so old, she knew Burger King when he was still a prince.

- Yo mama is so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.

Imagine Michael Jackson having kids? Would they come out Black or white or plastic?

What do an X-Box and Michael Jackson have in common? They're both made of plastic and little kids turn them on.

Tibia honest, it takes a lot of spine to memorize all the bones in the skeletal system. I mean, there's a skele-ton of em! You gotta be boned up for the skeletal system exam, buddy chum pal. Now that was a humerus ribtickling skelepun. Besides, if ya don't know all of the bones in the skeletal system, get boned, fucking numbskull. Did those tickle your funny bone? Now I've been working down to the bone typing these puns, kid. Now if you hate all these, I won't be bothered, I got thick skin! But first, lemme take a skelfie in the skelevator playing my trom-bone. Now, I gotta go to Grillby's. They got a discount on spare-ribs. Bone-voyage, my homeslice breadslice dawg.

"This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window."

"What's been going on, John?" I asked.

"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.

The dirty bastard!

I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.

I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.

Why did the depressed kid cross the road?

To get hit by a car.

What does Michael Jackson and Jeffery Dahmer have in common?

They both enjoy kids' company.

Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"

Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."

Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"

Dad: "That isn't the remote."

*Weird background music*